The mathematician Von Blecks|
Derived the equation for sex.
He found a good fuck
Isn't patience or luck
But a function of Y over X.
There once was a girl named Maureen|
Who was so remarkably lean.
So flat and compressed,
That her back touched her chest,
And sideways, she couldn't be seen.
There was an old man from Nantucket|
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter named Nann
Ran away with a man,
And as for the Bucket, Nann Tuck it.
There once was a Jew from Peru|
Who was vainly attempting to screw.
His wife said, "Oy-vey!
If you keep up this way,
The messiah will come before you!"
There was a young man from St. Louis,|
Who gave his dear sister a screw.
He said with aplomb,
"You're better then Mom!"
Said she, "That's what Dad told me, too."
There were once two young people of taste|
Who were beautiful down to the waist.
So they limited love
To the regions above
And thus remained perfectly chaste.
There was a young lady of Dexter|
Whose husband exceedingly vexed her,
For whenever they'd start
He'd unfailingly fart
With a blast that damn nearly unsexed her.
A huge-organed female in Dallas,|
Named Alice, who yearned for a phallus,
Was virgo intacto,
Because, ipso facto,
No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.
There once was a Scot named McAmeter|
With a tool of prodigious diameter.
It was not the size
That cause such surprise;
T'was his rhythm, iambic pentameter.
There was a young lady of Wheeling,|
Who professed to a lack of sexual feeling.
But a cynic named Boris,
Just touched her clitoris,
And she had to be scraped from the ceiling.