There once was a man with a member|
That would only stand up in December.
He said, "Then it's too cold
For a hard-on so bold,
I wish it would work in September!"
The was a young lady named Flo.|
Whose lover had pulled out too slow.
So they tried it all night
Till he got it just right.
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.
There was a young fellow named Mel|
Who didn't like cunt very well.
He would finger and fuck one,
But never would suck one;
He just couldn't get use to the smell.
I'd rather have fingers than toes,|
I'd rather have ears than a nose,
And a happy erection
Brought just to perfection
Makes me terribly sad when it goes.
An agreeable girl named Miss Doves|
Likes to jack off the young men she loves.
She will use her bare fist
If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves.
Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,|
"The men like to spread my two legs,
Then slip in between,
If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of their eggs."
The spouse of a pretty young thing|
Came home from the war in the spring.
He was lame, but he came
With his dame like a flame;
A discharge is a wonderful thing.
There once was a fellow named Siegel|
Who attempted to bugger a beagle.
But the mettlesome bitch
Turned and said with a twitch,
"It's fun, but you know it's illegal."
There was a young fellow named Fyfe|
Who married the pride of his life.
But imagine the pain
When he struggled in vain,
And just couldn't get into his wife.
There was a young lady of Wheeling,|
Who professed to a lack of sexual feeling.
But a cynic named Boris
Just touched her clitoris,
And she had to be scraped from the ceiling.