Limericks


~~ Page 15 ~~

There once was a man with a member
That would only stand up in December.
He said, "Then it's too cold
For a hard-on so bold,
I wish it would work in September!"



The was a young lady named Flo.
Whose lover had pulled out too slow.
So they tried it all night
Till he got it just right.
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.



There was a young fellow named Mel
Who didn't like cunt very well.
He would finger and fuck one,
But never would suck one;
He just couldn't get use to the smell.



I'd rather have fingers than toes,
I'd rather have ears than a nose,
And a happy erection
Brought just to perfection
Makes me terribly sad when it goes.



An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves.
She will use her bare fist
If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves.



Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,
"The men like to spread my two legs,
Then slip in between,
If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of their eggs."



The spouse of a pretty young thing
Came home from the war in the spring.
He was lame, but he came
With his dame like a flame;
A discharge is a wonderful thing.



There once was a fellow named Siegel
Who attempted to bugger a beagle.
But the mettlesome bitch
Turned and said with a twitch,
"It's fun, but you know it's illegal."



There was a young fellow named Fyfe
Who married the pride of his life.
But imagine the pain
When he struggled in vain,
And just couldn't get into his wife.



There was a young lady of Wheeling,
Who professed to a lack of sexual feeling.
But a cynic named Boris
Just touched her clitoris,
And she had to be scraped from the ceiling.



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