An old maiden who barely did kissing,|
Soon discovered what she had been missing.
When laid down on the sod,
She cried out, "Oh, God!
All these years I just used it for pissing!"
A fair haired young damsel named Grace|
Thought it very foolish to place
Her hand on your cock
When it turned hard as rock
For fear it would explode in her face.
There was a young man from Oswego|
Who fell in love with a dago
He dreamt that his venus
Was jerking his penis,
And woke up all covered in sago.
There was a young woman of Croft|
Who played with herself in a loft.
Having reasoned that candles
Could never cause scandals,
Besides which they did not go soft.
A squeamish young named fellow named Brand|
Thought caressing his penis was grand.
But he viewed with distaste
The gelatinous paste
That it left in the palm of his hand.
There was a young girl of Tonga|
Used to diddle herself with a conga.
When asked how it feels
To be pleasured by eels,
She said, "just like a man, only longer."
There was a young man from Nantucket,|
Took a pig in a thicket to fuck it.
Said the pig, "Oh, I'm queer,
Get away from my rear,
Come around to the front and I'll suck it."
Said a pretty young whore from Hong Kong|
To a long pronged patron named Wong,
"They say my vagina's
The nicest in China;
Don't ruin it by donging it wrong."
A shiftless young fellow named Kent|
Had his wife fuck the landlord for rent.
But as she grew older,
The landlord grew colder,
And now they live out in a tent.
There was a young lady from Kent,|
When her husband's pecker it bent,
She said with a sigh,
"Oh, why must it die?
Let's fill it with Portland Cement."