Limericks


~~ Page 31 ~~

There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her puss in the kitchen.
Her mother said, "Rose,
You've got crabs I suppose."
She said, "Yes and those bastards are 'itchin



There was a young fellow named Skinner
Who took a young lady to dinner.
At a quarter to nine
They sat down to dine;
And at a quarter to ten it was in her.



There was a young man from Savannah,
Who met his end in a curious manner.
He whittled a hole
In a telephone pole
And electrified his banana.



There once was a girl named Lewinsky
who played on a flute like Stravinsky
it was hale to the chief
on a flute made of beef
that gave her the front page from Kazinsky



A widow who fancied a man some
Was diddled three times in a hansom.
When she clamored for more
Her young man became sore
And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson."



A wanton young lady from Wimley
Reproached for not acting quite primly
Said, "Heavens above!
I know sex isn't love,
But it's such an entrancing facsimile."



A plumber by the side of a tree
Was plumbing his girl with great glee.
Said the girl, "Stop your plumbing"
"There's somebody coming."
Said the plumber still plumbing, "It's me!"



There was a young sailor from Brighton
Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one."
She replied, "Pon my soul,
You're in the wrong hole
There's plenty of room in the right one."



There was a young man from Cape Horn
who wished he had never been born
He wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his condom was torn!



An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny!



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