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There once was a couple named Kelley|
Who lived their life belly to belly.
Because in their haste,
They used Library Paste,
Instead of Petroleum Jelly.
There once was a young man named Gene|
Who invented a screwing machine.
Concave and convex,
It could please either sex,
And it played with itself in between.
A pretty young maiden from France|
Decided she'd "just take a chance".
She let herself go
For an hour or so,
And now all her sisters are aunts.
There was a young lady named Hall,|
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire,
And burned her entire
Front page, sports section, and all.
There once was a poor man named Crocket|
Whose balls got caught in a socket.
His wife was a bitch,
So she cranked on the switch,
And Crocket took off like a rocket!
A comely young widow named Ransom|
Was ravished three times in a hansom.
When she cried out for more
A voice from the floor
Said, "Lady, I'm Simpson, not Samson."
A widow, who fancied a man some,|
Was diddled three times in a hansome.
When she clamored for more,
Her young man became sore,
And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson."
There was a gay countess of Bray,|
And you may think it odd when I say,
That in spite of high station,
Rank and education,
She always spelled cunt with a "k".
A wanton young lady from Wimley,|
Reproached for not acting quite primly,
Said, "Heavens above!
I know sex isn't love,
But it's such an entrancing facsimile."
There was a young man from Hong Kong,|
Who had a trifurcated prong.
A small one for sucking,
A large one for fucking,
And a *honey* for beating a gong.