There was a young lady from Maine|
Who claimed she had men on her brain.
But you knew from the view,
As her abdomen grew,
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
There was a young lady of Norway|
Who hung by her toes in a doorway.
She said to her beau,
"Just look at me Joe,
I think I've discovered one more way."
There once was a plumber named Lee|
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes I know, love, it's me."
There was a young girl from Devizes|
Who had breasts of different sizes.
One was so small,
Really nothing at all,
The other was huge, it won prizes.
I once met a lassie named Ruth|
In a long distance telephone booth.
Now I know the perfection
Of an ideal connection,
Even if somewhat uncouth.
There was a young man of St. John's|
Who wanted to bugger the swans.
But the loyal hall porter
Said, "Pray take my daughter!
Those birds are reserved for the dons."
A worried young man from Stamboul|
Founds lots of red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!"
There was a bluestocking in Florence|
Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents,
Till a Spanish grandee
Got her off with his knee,
And she burned all her works with abhorrence.
There was a young lad name of Durcan|
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
His father said, "Durcan!
Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.
There once was a young fellow named Perkin|
Who always was jerkin his gherkin
Says the wife to young Perkin
"Quit jerkin' yer gherkin,
Yer shirkin' yer ferkin' ya bastard!"