Coop's Lists What Doctors Say, And What They're Really Thinking

What Doctors Say, And What They're Really Thinking

1.	"There is a lot of that going around." That's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
2.	"Welllllll, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
3.	"Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.
4.	"We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
5.	"Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.
6.	"Let me schedule you for some tests." I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
7.	"I'd like to have my associate look at you." He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
8.	"I'd like to prescribe a new drug." I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
9.	"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
10.	"This may smart a little." Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
11.	"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
12.	"This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
13.	"Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?" You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me ...
14.	"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank goodness I'm off next week.