Page 10

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. Mother, where do babies come from? Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey. Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that? Jewelry, dear.

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God." The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?" The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

Little Johnny: Mom, what kind of bird brings white babies? Mother: Why, a stork, little Johnny. Little Johnny: Mom, what kind of bird brings black babies? Mother: A raven, dear. Little Johnny: Then what kind of bird brings no babies at all? Mother: A swallow!

A poor man told his wife, I am sick and tired of being poor, I am going to work overseas. So, he took off to Africa. A few years later, he returned. As he approached his house he got stunned with the luxurious and rich look of the house. He knocked on the door, the servant opened. "Is the housewife in?" he asked. The servant replied: "Just a moment." The wife comes out: Wife: Wow, my man, all dressed up as a rich man after these years. Husband: Guess what? I am rich. Wife: How? Husband: I went to Africa, found people walk with no underwear and sleep on sand, so I began to make and sell underwear and beds. Due to the high demand, I got rich fast. Wife: A man, with all of your strength, had to go all the way to Africa, making beds and underwear, to get rich, and I am a little woman that stayed here, without underwear and on a single bed...I got REAL rich.

One day, a father and his son were walking in the woods on their way home when suddenly they came upon two dogs mating in the brush. "What are they doing, Dad?" asked the small child, staring intently at the scene before them. "They, um, they're making a puppy" said the boy's father, as he grabbed his coat and moved him along quickly. A few nights later, the little boy woke up and got up from his bed to go to the bathroom. As he walked by his parents' room, he heard strange noises coming from within. He opened the door and was surprised to see his father on top of his mother, moving in a strange way. His father looked up and saw his son - instantly, both mother and father froze. As the boy's mother grabbed for the sheets to cover herself up, the father got up and hustled his son out of the bedroom. "What were you doing to Mom, Dad?" asked the little boy, who still wasn't sure what he saw. "Your mother and I were, well, we were, ah, trying to make a baby - you know, maybe a brother or sister for you" said the boy's father, now confident that this would satisfy his son's curiosity. "Oh" said the little boy, thinking hard for a minute. "Y'know Dad, when you go back to bed with mom, turn her over, please - I'd rather have a puppy".

This guy walks into the bar and tells the bartender he wants a beer, "anything but Natural light". Why not Natural Light the bartender say's, "you always drink Natural Light"? "Not anymore, buddy, last night I got so Drunk on natural Light, I went home and blew chunks". Well, the bartender say's, everybody does that when they get that drunk, you know, that’s no big deal... "You don’t understand, buddy, Chunks is my dog!"

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

A young man in a drug store asks the pharmacist for condoms. "They come in packets of 3, 6 or 12," responds the pharmacist, "How many do you need?" "Well" muses the young man, "I've known this wonderful girl for 7 months. Tonight I'm meeting her parents for the first time, then we're off to an all-night party. So I think tonight's the night. And, once she gets it, I know she'll want more. Better give me a dozen!" Having made his purchase, the fellow drives home, dresses for dinner and arrives at his girlfriend's house. At dinner, he is asked to offer the blessing. He prays - and prays - and prays - and prays. Finally, his girlfriend leans over and says "You never told me you were so religious!" He answered her, "You never told me that your father was a pharmacist!"

Two flies are sitting on a big dog turd. One fly farts and the other fly looks at him and says, in a disgusted tone, "HEY DO YOU MIND... I'M EATIN' OVER HERE!

A deaf couple are on their honeymoon. The husband asks the wife in sign language "Honey, how would I tell you when I want to have sex?". The wife replies in sign language, "if you want have sex bite my right nipple once, if you don't want to have sex bite my left nipple twice". Agreeing with this, the wife asks the same question to the husband. The husband replies "Honey, if you want to have sex pull my penis once, if you don't want to have sex pull penis 27 times".

To Page 9 Coop's Home Page To Page 11 Back To Dial A Joke Back To Dial A Joke Back To Dial A Joke-Page