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There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but never able to save any money to do so. One day they came with an idea -- each time they have sex, they will put $20.00 bill into piggy bank. They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there is enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank. The husband looked at their savings and said: "Isn't it strange. Each time we had sex, I put $20.00 into piggy. But here we have many $50.00 and a few $100.00 bills." The wife replied: "Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?"

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was "OCCUPIED". The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP and ATR". Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway. He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women really have it made!". Still curious, he pressed the button marked "WA" and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world! The button marked "PP" yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked "ATR". When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!" The nurse replied, "Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the "ATR" button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover... Your penis is under your pillow!"

This guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist "Listen, I have 3 girls coming over tonight. I never had 3 girls at once, I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent." So the pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small black cardboard box marked with an "X" and says "Here, if you eat this you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!" The guy says "gimmee 3 boxes". Same guy walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's dick is black blue, the skin's hanging off in places. The man says "gimmee a bottle of Absorbine Jr." To which the pharmacist replies "ABSORBINE JR.? You're not going to put ABSORBINE JR. on that are you?" Man "No it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up".

A white man noticed the impressive length of the black man's penis at the adjacent urinal. "Sure wish I had one like your's." The black man replied "You can--just tie a string around it and hang weight on the end of the string. Put the weight down your pant leg, and you can have one like mine." The white man thanked him for the suggestion and left. Some weeks later, they met again in the lavatory. The black man asked how the project was going. "Great--I'm half way there!" "Really?" said the black man. "Yes. It's black!"

It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day, and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage, and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife. "That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits," he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?" At first she declined. But finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down. "Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage. The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in. "Now," said the husband with an evil smile, "tell HIM you have a headache!"

Mr. Reiss got himself a new secretary. Maggie was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, Maggie noticed his fly was open and, on leaving the room, she said "Oh, Mr Reiss, did you know that your barracks door is open?" He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. Calling her in, he asked "By the way, Miss Bolt, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you see a soldier standing at attention?" She was quite witty. "Why, no, Mr. Reiss" she replied. "All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two old duffel bags."

A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said "Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness." The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table." The Russian said "That sounds fine but if we go to Gouvstof's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid." "That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Have you actually been there?" "No," the Russian replied, "but my wife goes there all the time."

A man was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the man complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results. "Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked. "What do you think I've been doing," the man said, "Shoving them up my ass?"

The three stooges (who were triplets) all came to a sudden demise in the same instant. At the Pearly Gates they found St. Peter who exclaimed, "I've never had triplets all arrive at the Gates at the same time. Here's how it works. I ask you a Biblical question and if you answer it correctly, you get to go into heaven." Larry stepped up first and St. Peter asked, "Larry, who was the first man on earth?" Larry, very relieved, exclaimed, "ADAM !" Bells rang, birds chirped, the gates flew open and he walked into heaven. Curley stepped up next, very worried, and St. Peter asked, "Curley, who was the first woman on earth?" Curley answered, "Eve." Bells rang, birds chirped, the gates flew open and he walked into heaven. Moe stepped up last, very worried, and St. Peter said, "You know, Moe, I've never had triplets arrive here before and I normally only have two questions ready so I'll have to make up the question for you. Moe, what were the first words ever spoken by Eve to Adam?" Moe was puzzled and mumbled, "Gee, that's a hard one." Bells rang, birds chirped, the gates flew open and he walked into heaven.

Back in the Good Old Days, when Dudley Fudpucker was whooping it up in college, he was standing at a bar one evening, when a lady of enticing appearance approached him and suggested that they have a drink. Dudley said, "Well, I'm no John D. Rockefeller, but I'll buy." After developing a slight buzz, she suggested a dance. Dudley smiled and said, "I'm no Fred Astaire, but I'll give it a whirl." Later, she suggested that they go up to her room. "I'm no Cary Grant," replied Dudley, "but I'll follow you up there." They leave and go to the lady's apartment. They have another drink, then do what had been on their minds all evening, anyway. Afterward, the lady says, "What about some money?" Dudley shot back, "Well, I'm no gigolo, but I'll take it!"

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