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A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I can pee farther than anyone else". "Yeah" the bartender says. "Sure, and I can pee right on the spot from 75 feet away" the guy says. "Yeah right" the bartender says. "It's true, in fact, I'll bet you 100 dollars that I can pee right into a beer bottle 75 feet away and not spill a drop" the guy says. "Go ahead" the bartender says smiling at the chance to make some easy money. So a beer bottle is placed on the floor 75 feet away. Then the guy whips out his dick and starts peeing. He pees on the wall, he pees on the floor, he pees on the ceiling and bar, he even pees on the bartender. He pees everywhere EXCEPT in the bottle. The bartender starts smiling and tells the guy to pay up. The guy goes into another room, comes out a few minutes later with a big grin on his face and pays the bartender. The bartender then says to the guy, "Why are you so happy, you just lost a hundred bucks?" Then the guy says "Well, I just bet the guys in the other room a thousand bucks that I could pee all over your bar and not only would you not mind, but that you'd be smiling!"

A blonde is in her car, driving around the countryside, when she passes a field. She looks out, and sees another blonde in a rowboat in the middle of the field, rowing away. The first blonde pulls her car over and runs to the edge of the field, and yells out to the second blonde, "Hey you! It's stupid chicks like you that give us blondes a bad name! And if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

An older woman went to the gynecologist. He told her she was in perfect health, had the body of an eighteen-year-old. She was so excited she ran home to tell her husband. "Oh yeah?" he said snidely. "What about your fat ass?" "He didn't say anything about you."

Some women are sitting around after a card party. They start complaining about their sex lives. First woman moans, "My husband is a musician. All he wants to do is sing to it." Second woman moans, "My husband is a doctor. All he wants to do is examine it." Third woman moans, "My husband is a psychiatrist. All he wants to do is talk about it." A big grin on her face, the fourth woman says, "My husband's a mechanic. On our wedding night he tore hell out of it, and has been working on it ever since."

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

Well you see a gentleman walks into a bar. He sits down and the bartender gets him a drink. While looking around in this bar he noticed at the end of the bar there was a door. Posted on this door was a sign that said Anyone one who could make this horse laugh will get 5,000 dollars. Now see the gentleman asked the bartender about the horse! The bartender said no one has made that horse laugh in 20yrs! Gentleman took one more sip of his drink and asked the bartender if he could try? The bartender said OK, but warned him again, no one has made that horse laugh in 20yrs. So the bartender unlocked the door for him. Gentleman walked in and shut the door. 10minutes later he walks out, and the horse is laughing like mad! Gentleman walks over to the bartender and requests the 5,000 dollars. How did you do that?, the bartender asked. Easy, said the gentleman, then he walks out of the bar. Now 2 days have passed and the gentleman returned to the same bar. Bartender recognized him and said hello. Gentleman sits down and orders the same drink as before. Looking around he noticed the door at the end of the bar. This time the note says "Anyone who can make this horse cry, will get 5,000 dollars!". Again he asks the bartender if he could try. The bartender shrugged his shoulders and said OK! Bartender unlocks the door and the gentleman goes in and shuts the door. 10minutes later he walks out and the horse is crying. He again goes over to the bartender and request the money. Well the bartender was curious by now and asked the gentleman How did you do it?. The gentleman said Easy, First time I went in I told the horse my dick was bigger than his, and he started to laugh. This time I showed him!

What do you call a mushroom with a 12 inch stem? Fungi to be with!

Johnny's dad walks into the bathroom and sees Johnny scrubbing his dick with a toothbrush. His dad says what the hell are you doing! He says "there's no way I'm getting a cavity like my sister"

A very sad event occurred last night: the Energizer Bunny, after going and going for so long has unfortunately passed away. The official medical report states that Mr. Bunny died from a Heart Attack brought on by sexual over stimulation. It seems that someone had put his batteries in backwards and he kept coming...and coming...and coming......

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding on the range one day. The two came to a stop, where Tonto jumped off his horse and put his head on the ground to listen to see if anyone was coming. After a few seconds he rose and said "Buffalo come." The Lone Ranger was amazed and proclaimed "Damn you Indians are smart, how the hell did you know there were buffaloes coming?" Tonto replied, "Face sticky."

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