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Two guys walk into a bar, and immediately they see someone fall right off his stool, flat on his ass. So they pick him up, and being good Samaritans, decide that this guy's too drunk to walk by himself, and figure they should walk him home. So they stand him up and try to get him to walk, but he falls flat on his face. They pick him up, and the guy's feet are dragging on the ground. They go a couple of blocks and try to get him to walk again, but nope, he falls flat on his face. They get him to his apartment eventually, and try to get him to walk up the stairs, but he falls again. So they drag him to his apartment, and knock on his door. The guy's wife answers and says "Oh, thanks for bringing my husband back. Where's his wheelchair?"

Three hungry Korean guys walk into a restaurant and sit down. One of them reads a sign , translates to the others , and then they whip down their pants and all start to whack off furiously. The waitress comes up and asks , "What the hell are you perverts doing?" They reply, "The sign said, first come first served!!"

A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head. "There was this black guy once" she said to the midwife. Then she screamed again and out pops a yellow body. "That must be the Chinese guy I slept with" she said. Then one more scream and the baby’s white legs were born, "Ah - that was the husbands bit" she said. The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said "Thank God for that, I thought it was going to bark !!!"

One day a little boy walked in on his mother in the shower. The boy pointed to his mother's pussy and said "What’s that mommy?". The mother not wanting to explain the facts of life to the boy said "that’s my sponge" the boy satisfied with the answer went out. A few days later the boy again walked in on his mother in the shower. The night before the mother had shaved completely. The boy noticing the difference asked the mother "where is your sponge?". The mother said she lost it and the boy satisfied went outside again.. All of a sudden the boy ran back in. "Mommy, mommy I found your sponge!I was looking in Mrs.Jones back window and I saw Mrs Jones washing daddy's face with it!"

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed." Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this there were hundreds of Indians in various stages and different positions of making love. Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?!" screamed the billionaire. "Why, that's exactly what you asked for," said the artist smugly. "No! I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth, I asked for a mural of the interpretation of Custer's last thoughts!" "And there you have it," said the artist, "I call it 'Holy cow - look at all those fucking Indians!'"

Bill and Linda decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

My wife and I were watching a show on The Learning Channel titled, "A Dog's World." One segment focused on dogs practice of urinating everywhere to define who they are and whose territory it is, among many other things. "Basically," the narrator said, "dogs are leaving each other messages." I looked at my wife and said, "So I guess we could call it p-mail."

O n elephant and a mouse are walking together through the jungle when the elephant falls into a very large hole. The hole is so large that try as he might, the elephant is unable to climb out. So the mouse says, "Hang around, I'll get something to drag you out with" and leaves. A little while later the mouse returns driving a Porsche and with a rope tied to the bumper bar and he drags the elephant out of the hole. The two friends continue their stroll through the jungle when all of a sudden, the mouse falls into a hole. The elephant immediately stands over the hole and squatting over it, lowers his penis so the mouse can grab it and lift himself out of the hole. The moral of this story is that "If your dick is long enough you dont need a Porsche."

Llittle girl was licking a popsicle at a barber shop a drops it into a heap of cut hair lying on the floor, the barber says to her; Oh, "have you got hair on your candy"? "No", answers the little girl, "I'm only three."

A There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.

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