Page 19

Ron and his new friend Arty were having a drink together, and were talking about their respective married lives. I had sex with my wife before we were married," said Don, "did you?" "Gee, I don't know," answered Arty. "What was your wifes maiden name?"

I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Edna to Priscilla. "But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy," Priscilla responded. "He did. That's why I have to take every precaution."

Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool. When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and said: "Did you notice the small dongs on the rich kids?" The other answered: "Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play with!"

A young boy had been taken for his first visit to a nudist camp by his parents. He was surprised at the different sizes of the male organs and mentioned it to his father. The father, being rather well endowed, explained that it was a measure of intelligence, the big ones being smart and the small ones being dumb. That afternoon the father was looking for his wife and asked his son if he had seen his mother. "I saw her about ten minutes ago, She was with a real dumb man, but he seemed to be getting smarter all the time.

Will I be the first to do this to you?" he whispered to his bride on their wedding night. "Silly boy," she said. "How could I know? You have not told me which position you are going to use!"

A naive young girl from a small town was visiting friends in San Francisco. She phoned her mom to let her know how she was getting along. "Things are rather strange here. I see men who hold hands, kiss and hug each other. They're called 'gays' or homosexuals. Even more surprising, there are women here who do the same things and they are referred to as 'lesbians'. You probably won't believe this, but some men here put their heads down on a woman's private parts and do things with their tongues." "Good Lord," her mom said, "what do they call them?" "Well, after I caught my breath I called one of them PRECIOUS!"

A woman answers the door to a market researcher. "Good morning madam, I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Do you use it at all in your household?" "Oh yes, all the time. It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns." "Do you use it for anything else?" "Like what?" "Ahem.. err.. well.. during.. ahem.. sex." "Oh, of course. Yes, we smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep the kids out."

Know what to call the stuff that collects in the crotch of a woman's panties? Clitty litter.

A guy on his wedding night in the hotel says to his new wife "geez, I never realized you had such big breasts." The wife gets all upset and throws him out. While he is sitting in the hall another guy comes out down the hall. "What happened?" asks the first man. "Well" replies the other "I first saw my new wife naked tonight, and all I said was "Geez, I didn't realize you had such a big Butt..."then she threw me out. Just then a third guy comes storming out into the hall. "Hey" says the second guy "Did you put your foot in it as well?" "No" says the third guy, "But I bloody well could have."

A young couple was called to heaven before they could be married. The disappointed groom took St.Peter aside and asked him if it was possible for them to be married. "I'm afraid you'll have to wait," St.Peter replied. "Check back after five years time, and if you still want to be married we will talk about it." Five years passed and the couple came back to see St.Peter. Repeating their request, St.Peter replied,"Sorry, you must wait another five years." Fortunately after the wait, St.Peter said they could be married. The wedding was beautiful and at first the couple were very happy, but later they realized that they had made a mistake. They went to see St.Peter, this time to ask for a divorce. "WHAT!?" St.Peter asked. "It took us ten years to find a minister in heaven, Now you want us to find a 'lawyer'?".

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