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It was a miserable hot day in Dallas and these two black whores were walking down the street when one (Mary Jane) says to the other (Eloise), "Eloise, honey, it is so hot out here today, why don't we take off our panties so's we be cool" Eloise says, "Oh, I don't know Mary Jane, I be too embarrassed". So they walk on a bit farther and pretty soon Mary Jane says, "Eloise, honey, I just can't stand this heat. We jess got's to take off our panties so's we be cool"? And Eloise says, "Mary Jane , I juss can't, I'd be too embarrassed". So, they continue for a few more blocks, when suddenly Mary Jane stops and points to the porch of a house where an enormous black woman is sitting with her skirt hiked up to her navel, no panties on and eating a watermelon. She says, "Eloise, honey, look up there on the poc'h of dat house. Jess look at dat. I'll bet she be cool." And Mary Jane says, "Less go axe her." So they shuffle up on to the porch of the house and Eloise says, "Big Fat Mama, you sittin up here on the poc'h of dis house, what with yo skirt hiked up to you navel, no panties on and eating dat watermelon..... tell us... is you cool"? And the woman says, "Honey child... I don't no nuffin a bouts being cool, but it sho do keeps the flies off my watermelon"!

He's the only son of Awh Schitt and Oh Schitt. Awh Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of the Kneedeep Schitt Inn. Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. They produced six children. Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, and another son, Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt, and they have a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt Married the Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dog Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Horace Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spicey number, Pisa Schitt, and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt. Now you know... Jack Schitt

A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole. He watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb"

An 80 year old man went for his annual check up and the doctor said, "Friend", for your age your in the best shape I've seen." The old feller replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. Why I know I live a good, clean, spiritual life." The doctor asked, "What makes you say that?" The old man replied, "If I didn't live a good, clean life the Lord wouldn't turn the bathroom light on for me every time I get up in the middle of the night." The doc was concerned. "You mean when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord Himself turns on the light for you?" "Yep," the old man said, "Whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me." Well, the doctor didn't say anything else, but when the old man's wife came in for her check up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said "I just want you to know," the doctor said. "Your husband's in fine physical shape but I'm worried about his mental condition He told me that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him." "He what?" she cried. "He said every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him." "Aha!!!" she exclaimed. "So he's the one who's been peeing in the refrigerator!"

This guy was suspecting his wife of cheating on him, so he hired a professional CHINESE spy to follow her. Here is his report. (Should be read with a Chinese accent): Woman leave home, me follow woman. She go downtown, I go downtown. She go to mall, I go to mall. She met HE, HE met she. She go to motel, He go to motel. She go upstairs, he go upstairs. Me to see climb the tree. She go to room, he go to room. She take off her clothes, He take off his clothes. She play with He, He play with she...Me play with me, me fell out of tree!

Joan, a rather well-proportioned & near-sighted secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first few days, but always removed her glasses for an even facial tan. After several days she decided that no one could see her way up there, so she slipped out of her suit for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The hotel doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you have for the past week." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight!"

This lady who was living in New York City had to get back to her old country but she was broke. One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a worker getting ready to load supplies onto a boat. "Please I need to get back to England" she pleaded. "If you sneak me on board tonight I'll give you favors all the way across the ocean. Well needless to say later that night he put her in a duffel bag and carried her on board. Down in the hold where she was hidden he said, "When I bring you some food, twice a day, I'll collect." and being true to her word she agreed. This went on for about a week when by accident the captain found her. "Please don't get angry'" she started to say and explained the story to the captain who busted up laughing. "Why are you laughing?" she demanded. He said, "Because your on the Staten Island Ferry."

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?". The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel." The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop stuttering, but he can't. Finally, he goes to a world-renowned doctor for help. The doctor examines him and says "I've found your problem. Your penis is 12 inches long. It weighs so much it is pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter." "What's the cure, doctor?" asks the man. "We have to cut off 6 inches." The man thinks about it and eager to cure his stuttering, agrees to the operation. The operation is a success and he stops stuttering. Two months later he calls the doctor and tells him that since he had the 6 inches cut off, all of his girlfriends have dumped him and his love life has gone down the tubes. He wants the doctor to operate to put back the six inches. Not hearing anything on the line, he repeats himself, "Hey doc, didn't you hear me? I want my 6 inches back!" Finally, the doctor responds, "F-f-f-f-f-f-uck Y-y-you!

Her car breaks down on the Interstate one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing on-coming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pile-ups in the history of this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?" "My car broke down," says the lady, calmly. "Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" Screams the cop. "Those are my emergency flashers!" she replied!

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