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It was the 1st day of school. The 2nd grade teacher asked some of her students to tell the class a story of something that had happened to them over the summer break in which they learned a moral. The first student stood up and said, "Well, I went to my father’s farm, and one day we counted the eggs in the chicken coupe to see how many chicks we would get, but that night a wolf came and ate ½ of the eggs. The moral I learned was don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched." "Very good," said the teacher. The second student stood up and said, "Well, one day my mother sent me to the market to get some milk, and on my way home, I got beat up by the neighbor bully who spilled my milk all over the ground. I went home crying to my mother. And she said not to cry over spilled milk." Very good," said the teacher. The third student stood up and said, "My father told me one of his war stories, and it went like this. He was stranded in a fox hole with only one bottle of Jack Daniels, 12 rounds of ammo, and 2 grenades. Well he drank the whiskey, then the enemy came. He shot up 12 guys, and blew up 20 more with the grenades." "Well, what moral could you have possibly have gotten from such a story?" asked the teacher. "Don’t fuck with my dad when he’s drunk."

Cindy Crawford and a guy were stranded on a deserted island. After several weeks without rescue, nature took its inevitable course and the two began to make love. Months later, they were still marooned and they were still making love. One day, Cindy asked her companion if there was anything special she could do for him. "Well, yes, as a matter of fact," he said. "Would you mind putting on my trousers and shirt?" "No, that’s OK, I guess," she replied, stepping into his pants. "And my jacket and tie?" "Well, all right," she agreed. "And could you pull your hair under this baseball cap?" "Sure," she replied, getting into the game. "OK, do you feel like a regular guy now?" he asked. "Yeah." "A regular guy?" "Yeah, yeah. Now what can I do for you?" she asked impatiently. He tapped her shoulder, leaned toward her ear and whispered, "Just between you and me, dude, I’m fucking Cindy Crawford."

There was this guy at the patent office counter and said," I want to patent this Peach." The clerk asked,"What's so special about your peach?" The guy said, taste it, so he did. He told the guy it taste like a peach, so what? He then said, turn it around! The clerk took a bite and said,"wow, this tastes like an apple! You have your Patent!" Then the next guy walks up and said,"I want to patent this cookie!" The clerk said,"now what is so special about your cookie?" In return the guy said, "It tastes like a woman's snatch!" The clerk said "I gotta try this" so he took a bite. He then said," Oh man, this tastes like shit!" The man at the counter said, "Turn it around!"

Four gays are in a hot tub sipping champagne when all of a sudden some cum floats to the top. they all look at each other , when one them finally says, ok who farted!

Two lawyers are walking on the beach. A lovely blond woman in a skimpy bikini walks by. Lawyer #1 says, "Boy, wouldn't you like to screw her?" Lawyer #2 then asks, "Screw her out of what?"

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints. The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong with you?" The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around'."

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newly weds do, time and again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she see him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's THAT?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night." And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"

One pay day, Mr. Goodbar wanted to Skor. So he took Miss Hershey to the Pot of Gold Motel on the corner of Aero and Fifth Avenue to show her some Twix. He began to feel her Mounds that were pure Almond Joy. It made her Tootsie Roll, and made him want to Eatmore. This is Wonderbar! He let out a Snicker as his Butterfinger went up her Kit Kat and caused a MilkyWay. She screamed "Oh Henry", as she grabbed his Big Turk and squeezed his M & M's. Miss Hershey said; "You are even better than the Three Musketeers". To which Mr. Goodbar replied, "When you're this big they call you Mr. Big". Soon she was a bit Chunky and nine months later she had a Baby Ruth.

As sex education is being taught at a younger age these days little Johnny is in class one day when the teacher begins the days sex lesson. "Todays letter is the letter "p" and the word is "penis". Little Johnny can hardly contain himself and blurts out, "I know what that is"! "I know! I know!!" " My daddy has two of them! " "He has a little one he goes pee with...and a great big one he brushes the baby sitters teeth with!"

A recently married couple retire to their honeymoon suite. Before hopping into bed the bride says, "Now honey, you'll be gentle with me won't you. You know that I'm still a virgin." This clearly surprises the man, "What are you saying. Aren't I your third husband?" The woman replied, "Yes, but my first husband was a psychologist and all he liked to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he liked to do was look at it. Since you're a lawyer, I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna get screwed!"

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