Page 31

A father and his son were in the backyard trying to fly a kite. The boy held the kite up and the father ran pulling the string. The kite would go up in the air ten or eleven feet and flutter to the ground. Several tries and the same thing kept happening. The wife was watching this from the kitchen window and she stepped to the door and called to her husband: 'Honey, what you need is more tail.' 'I know, I know' replied the husband. 'That's what I told you last night and you told me to 'go fly a kite'.'

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured by inserting a suppository up his anal passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him a second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours. So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds that he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. He calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home. Suddenly the man screams, "DAMN!" "What's the matter?" asked the wife, "Did I hurt you?" "No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulder."

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey -- Nice bike! Where did you get it?" "Well," replied the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rode up on this bike. She jumped off, took off all of her clothes, and said, 'You can have ANYTHING you want!!'" "Good choice," said the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years. I wonder how the girls are doing?"

Three men were doing they're normal "I can top you" routine. The first man says, "I can remember back to the first day I was in nursery school." The second man says, "I can to that. I can remember back to the day I was born, hearing the doctor congratulating my mother on what a big, healthy baby I was." The third man starts laughing. "You think that's going back?! I remember going to a dance with my father and coming home with my mother"

Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?" The priest says, "Because I'm a father." Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards." The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children." Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

A guy goes into a luncheonette and orders a hamburger and a hot dog. A few minutes later, the waitress puts a plate in front of him with an open bun on it, pulls a hamburger out of her armpit, and tosses it on the bun. The guy says, "What the hell was that all about?" She says, "I was just keeping it warm for you." He says, "Cancel my hot dog."

A college professor's going to bed with his wife. He's not that tired, so he's gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So he's reading, and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun spot... "Kitza kitza..." She says, "Will you stop that! Will you stop reaching over here and teasing me like that?" He says, "I'm not teasing you. I'm wetting my fingers so I can turn the page."

Loren Bobbits sister tried doing the same thing but missed and got charged with misdaweiner

This guy goes into a restaurant and looks over the menu. A few minutes later the waitress comes to the table and asks the guy if he knew what he wanted. The guy says 'I'd like a quickie'. The waitress flushes and says 'That's not funny. Now, what would you like to order.' The guys says, 'I'd really like a quickie'. The waitress angrily storms off after this. Another customer overheard the conversation. He leans over and says to the guy, 'I think that it's pronounced quiche...'

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