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The success of the "Wonder Bra" for under-endowed women, has encouraged the designers to come out with a bra for over-endowed women. It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra"... It rounds them up and points them in the right direction.

This woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!" The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there!" She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! When he landed outside he was in the middle of a "running Marathon" so he started running along beside the others only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" He answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, It feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running." The other runner then asked the nude man, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?" The nude man answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!" The runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" The nuddy answered, "Only if it's raining.

There once was a man who could not keep it going with his wife. He went to the doctor who gave him some sex pills. There was a label on the bottle that said "Take one pill for a great night." The man thought that he wanted a stupendous night so he downed the whole bottle. In the morning the neighbors came over to find the man's son sitting on the porch crying. "What's wrong?" they said. The boy replied, "Mom's dead, sister's pregnant, my butt hurts and dad's in the basement yelling 'here kitty"

On Fred's 86th birthday one of his female neighbors, from down the hall in the old folks home, came into his room and unzipped his pants. She the proceeded to strip him of his pants and skivies. She sat down on the bed with him and grasped his withered shlong and held him for an hour. She did this routine of undressing him and holding his dick for an hour, every morning of his birthday. On Fred's 93 birthday she proceeded to disrobe him when he told her to stop. "What do you mean you don't want me to do it any more", she said baffled by his actions. "I just don't want you to hold me anymore", replied Fred. "Why, is there someone else"? "Actually there is," Fred shamefully admitted. "Well what does she have that I don't have"? "Parkinsons", replied Fred.

How do you make two pounds of fat better? Add a nipple.

There are thousands of sex phone lines for men but only a few for women. This is because if a women wants someone to talk dirty to her she can just go to work.

A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed. The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great escapades. "And on the third day..." he began. "No! no! start with the first day," Everyone yells out in chorus. "And on the third day, " the private continues " she asked me to stop so she could go to the bathroom..."

Who enjoys sex more, males or females? Females do. Look at it this way: Think about when your ear itches and you scratch it with your finger. When you pull your finger out, what feels better, your finger or your ear?

A widower lives with his daughter, a graduate student, in a small university town in the mid west. The man comes home from work at the same time every day. One day, upon entering the house, he hears awful racket coming from behind his daughter's bedroom door. He barges through the door only to see his daughter on her bed "intimately" involved with a large, studded vibrator. Before he can say a word, the daughter exclaims: "Look dad, I'm 33 years old, in graduate school, and all the good guys are married already. For all I know this is the best I'll ever have, so just leave me alone!" The father leaves her room, scratching his head, closing the door behind him. A week or so later, the daughter comes home from school, enters the living room to find her dad sitting on the couch with a beer in one hand and the vibrator in the other. She says, "Dad, what the hell are you doing???!!" The man says, "Oh, just sitting here, having a beer with my Son-in-law."

Why did the condom fly across the room It got pissed off!

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