Page 38

What the best way to get a guy to stop smoking after sex? Fill his water bed with gasoline.

What can a girl put behind her ears to make her sexy? Her knees

How did the mother know her daughter was masterbating during her period? She was caught red-handed.

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they came upon this harem with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will each die and in a way corresponding to your profession." The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Al right, shoot his penis off!", said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Al right, burn his penis off!", said the sheik. Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living". And the third man answered, with a big smile on his face, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they writhed in the heat of the moment. The woman cocked her ear "Quick it's my husband coming through the front door. Hide in the bathroom" she cried. The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door. "What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked. "Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you." she replied with a knowing smile. "Great" he said "I'll just nip into the bathroom and will be with you in two shakes." Before she could stop him he was into the bathroom where he found the lover clapping his hand in mid-air. "Who the devil are you!" the husband demanded. "I'm from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths." the lover replied. "But..but you've got no clothes on?" stammered the husband. The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said "The little bastards."

The Young Fellow Was about to Be Married and Was Asking His Grandfather about Sex. He Asked How Often You Should Have It. His Grandfather Told Him That When You First Get Married, You Want it All the Time....And Maybe Do it Several Times a Day. Later On, Sex Tapers off and You Have it Once a Week or So. Then as You Get Older, You Have Sex Maybe Once a Month. When You Get Really Old, You Are Lucky to Have it Once a Year....Maybe on Your Anniversary. The Young Fellow Then Asked His Grandfather, "Well How about You and Grandma Now?" His Grandfather Replied, "Oh, We Just Have Oral Sex Now." "What's Oral Sex?" the Young Fellow Asked. "Well, " Grandpa Said, "She Goes to Bed in Her Bedroom, and I Go to Bed in My Bedroom. And She Yell, 'Fuck You', and I Holler Back, "Fuck You, Too.' "

Poor Jim is killed in a Boston automobile accident, but happily he goes to heaven where he gets to meet God and asks God if he can ask him a few questions. "Sure. Go right ahead," says the Almighty. "OK," Jim says, "Why did you make women so pretty?" "So you would like them," God replies. "All right then," Jim nods, "but come you made them so nice and soft and curvey?" "So you would LOVE them," God replies. Jim ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such air heads?" God replies, "So THEY would love YOU!"

How can we tell that the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas? Had it been invented elsewhere, it would have been called a "teethbrush.

A modest man is in the hospital for a series of tests. One of the last tests has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrassed beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing and swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard. The security guard asked: "What's going on?" To which the drunk replied: "I just beat the shit out of a ghost."

Yeltsin calling Clinton with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms asap to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Clinton. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" "No problem," replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia." "Consider it done," said the President of Trojan. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "write 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."

To Page 37 Coop's Home Page To Page 39 Back To Dial A Joke-Page