Page 46

What does a 40 year old woman have between her breasts that an 18 year old doesn't? Her navel!

Isn't it a shame that God gave men both a brain and a penis, but not enough blood to run both at the same time!

What do a woman and a condom have in common? They both spend too much time in your wallet and not enough time on your dick.

Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, "Do you ever get to feeling horny?" "Yes," her friend replied. "What do you do about it?" "I usually suck on a Lifesaver." After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, "Well, what beach do you go to?"

The cops raided the local brothel and had all the girls standing in line waiting to enter the paddy wagon. A little old lady walked up and asked one of the girls what the line was for. She indicated they were giving out lollipops. The little old lady liked lollipops so she got in line too. When she got up to the paddy wagon door, a cop said, "Hey grandma, aren't you a little old to be doing this?" She replied, "As long as they keep making them, I'll keep sucking them."

Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun goes into the confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts. The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?" The nun replies, "My right hand." The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 hail Marys and all will be forgiven. The second nun goes into the confessional and says, "Bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts." The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?" The nun replies, "My left hand." The priest tells her to dip her left hand in the holy water say 10 hail Marys and all will be forgiven. Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line. The fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, "Would you mind if I went first?" The third nun says, "Sure I don't care, but would mind telling me why?" The fourth nun replies, "Well, I would like to drink the water before you have to sit in it!"

An Indian girl walked into a general store and asked the clerk for some toilet paper. So the clerk says, "Well, we have two brands of toilet paper: Toilet Paper Royal and the generic kind which doesn't have a name." So the Indian girl asks, "What's the difference?", to which the clerk replies, "The generic brand is cheaper." So the Indian girl buys the generic brand and walks home. The next day she walks into the store with the roll of toilet paper and says, "I have found a name for this toilet paper." Curious the clerk says, "Well what is it?" And the girl replies, "John Wayne, because it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no crap from Indians."

There were three men sitting in a bar drinking. One man said to the other "You know what? I know this bridge, where you can jump off and you bounce right back. " So the other man says, "No way that's ridiculous. It simply cannot be possible." The first replies, "Come on, I'll show is to you then." So the men, both quite tipsy, saunter out of the bar and walk to the bridge. When they arrive at the bridge the first man says "Here I'll show you how it works." So he climbs up on the edge and jumps off. Seconds later low and behold the man seems to just bounce back up astounding the second man. The second man says "Hey man, do that again! I can't believe it..." So the first jumps off again and immediately comes flying back up again. After seeing this the second man decides to give it a try, after all it all seems quite safe, so he climbs up and jumps off. After a few moments, the second man doesn't return, so the first man walks back to the bar, sits down and orders another drink. The bartender after noticing the second man is missing, turns to the first man and says, "Superman, you're so damn cruel when you're drunk!"

One day a kid was sitting at home waiting for his relatives to come over. He overheard his parents fighting with each other yelling "YOU BITCH" "YOU BASTARD". Being so young, the kid had never heard those words before and asked his parents what they meant.They replied by saying "Bitch means lady and bastard means gentlemen". Satisfied with this answer the boy went to his room. Then he heard the neighbors having sex. They were repeating the words "DICK and "CUNT" over and over and over. Again, the boy was curious and asked his parents what those words meant. Thinking fast, his mother said "Dick means coat and cunt means jackets." Once again the boy was satisfied with the answer and headed to the bathroom, but his father was shaving and the boy had to wait. Fearing that the boy might wet himself, the father shaved faster. He went a little to quick and ended up cutting himself, "SHIT!!!!!" he yelled. "Whats shit mean daddy," the boy asked . The father, stuck for an answer said, "it means shaving cream." The boy did his "business" and his dad went back to shaving. His next stop was the kitchen, there he saw his mother preparing the turkey. As she reached for a knife she ended up cutting herself. "AW FUCK!!", she yelled. "Whats fuck mean mommy", the boy asked. "It means stuffing the turkey." Finally, the guest arrived, the boy went to the door and said, "Hello bitch's and bastards, may I take your dicks and cunts? Dads in the bathroom putting shit on his face and moms in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society. "So, Mr. Clark," the doctor says to one of his patients, "I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?" The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, "Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it's like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately." Dr. Leroy nods and says, "Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities." The patient replies, "And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot."

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