Page 50

Little boy is in line with his dad, waiting to check out. In front of them is a really fat woman. Little boy looks her over and turns to his daddy and says; "She is really big and fat isn't she daddy?" The father is embarrassed and tries to get son to quiet down. In a few minutes the little boy yells out; "She is the biggest woman I have ever seen!" The father is embarrassed to tears and bends over and tell his son; "We do not talk about people looking different from us, especially if they are fat. Don't do it again." The little boy got the message and stood for a long time, until the woman's beeper went off. He then yelled: "Look out daddy, she is backing up!"

Are caterpillars good to eat?" asked little Tommy at the dinner table. "No," said his father, "what makes you ask a question like that while we are eating?" "You had one on your lettuce salad, but it's gone now," replied Tommy.

The maitre d' of a fashionable restaurant looked up and saw three little girls standing in the waiting area. They were dressed in their mother's clothes, had on high-heeled shoes and were wearing lots of make-up. The lunch crowd hadn't started to arrive yet so he decided to treat them like regular guests just to see what they were up to. He seated them at a table and asked what they would like to order. The first little girl ordered a martini, the second one asked for a margarita and the third one said, "I'd like to have a douche...my mother says they're very refreshing."

The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters "ILU" written on it. The teacher asks who left it. A little white girl raises her hand. Well sweetie, what does "ILU" mean? The little girl replies, "I love you." The teacher says, "Isn't that sweet," and continues with class. The next day the teacher finds a banana on her desk with the letters "YAS" written on it. The teacher asks who left and what does it mean. A little white boy raises his hand and says, "It means, You are special." "Thank you sweetheart", the teacher says. The following day, the teacher walks in to find a watermelon with the letters "FUCK" written on it. The enraged teacher asks who left it and if they know what that means. A little black girl raises her hand and cheerfully says, "Yes maam, I left it. It means, from us colored kids!".

A teacher was testing her class's ability to taste by giving them life savers. First she gave them all red ones and their hands went up, "cherry!" "Very good," said the teacher. Next she gave them a white one and they thought about it and finally one kid said, "peppermint?" "excellent," said the teacher. Finally she gave them honey- flavored brown ones. They tasted the life saver, but could not name the flavor. "I'll give you a clue. It's something that your mommy calls your daddy" said the teacher. Suddenly , Dirty Ernie shouted, "Quick ,spit them out ! They're ass holes!"

A seventh grade Biology teacher arranged a demonstration for his class. He took two earth worms and in front of the class he did the following: He dropped the first worm into a beaker of water where it dropped to the bottom and wriggled about. He dropped the second worm into a beaker of Ethyl alcohol and it immediately shriveled up and died. He asked the class if anyone knew what this demonstration was intended to show them. A boy in the second row immediately shot his arm up and, when called on said: "You're showing us that if you drink alcohol, you won't have worms."

A boy would walk down the street and whenever he saw someone with bowed legs would point at them and yell, "Hey look at that bow legged bastard!" Well his parents tried to break him of this and finally decided that the child needed some refinement. So they sent him off to a private school where he read the classics, listened to classical music, all the things that are considered cultured. When the boy went home he spoke to his parents in a dignified manner. After dinner they decided to go for a walk. Upon spotting a bow legged man walking on the opposite side of the street he said, "So, tell me father - who are these men with balls in parentheses?"

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

A small boy walked into a men's room. He saw a sailor in full dress uniform. The little boy got really excited, and asked the sailor, "Are you a REAL Sailor???" The sailor replied, "Why, yes, son, I am. Would you like to wear my hat?" The little boy said, "Yes!!" and put on the hat. A Marine entered the bathroom. The little boy, very excitedly asked, "Mister, Mister, are you a REAL Marine???" The Marine answered, "Yes, son, I am! Why, do you wanta suck my dick?" The little boy exclaimed, "I'm not a real Sailor! I'm just wearing the hat!!!"

This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh... well...ah....well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." The boy says, Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?!?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

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