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The little boy did not go to school one day. The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said "Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the Bull". "How disgusting" said the teacher "I am sure your father could have done that" "No ma'm, he couldn't have" said the little sod "It has to be the Bull".

A woman and her young son were standing in line at the bank waiting for the next available teller. The little boy was becoming very irritable and his mother was trying to calm him down. Without much luck, she said in a fairly loud voice, "If you don't settle down right now I will pull your pants down in front of the whole bank and spank your butt!!!" With that the little boy announced, "If you spank my butt, I'll tell the whole bank that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee pee."

W oman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, "Come this way," and heads towards the back of the store. "If I could come that way," she tells the retreating clerk, "I wouldn't need the batteries."

Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might've designed the human body. The first one said, "It must've been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff - a mechanical engineer must have designed all that." The second one said, "No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer." Then the third one said, "No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?"

A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy's mind, sat him and said: "God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white." To which the child responded, "Well, then is God Michael Jackson?"

This couple was getting ready to go to bed and when the husband came in from the bathroom his wife was rubbing this cream all over her tits. He said "what the hell are you doing". She said she was unhappy about the size of her breasts and this cream was supposed to make them larger. "But it really doesn't seem to be working" she said. The husband said "wait a minute I have an idea". So he went into the bathroom and came back with a roll of toilet paper and started rubbing it all over her tits. She said "what are you doing"? He said "well, I figured you have been wiping your ass with this for years and look how big it has gotten"!

The three sleazy roommates decided it was time they went to confession. When the priest asked them for their sins, the first roommate said she had let a man fondle her breasts. The priest told her to wash them with holy water. The second roommate confessed that she had touched a man's cock. The priest told her to wash her hands with holy water. The two girls were washing with holy water when the third roommate joined them. "Move over sluts," she said, "I have to gargle."

I was so poor that if I didn't wake up with a hard-on on Christmas morning I'd have had nothing to play with

Pepsi signed Michael Jackson for another commercial! They needed somebody to suck that kid back out of the bottle.

Two little girls playing with a ball in the garden. The ball rolls under a nearby bush so one of the little girls crawls under to get it out. Unfortunately it's a thorn bush, so she gets a thorn stuck in her finger. Crying, she runs indoors shouting "Mummy Mummy, I've got a thorn in my finger - get some apple juice!" Mum says: "But why do you want apple juice - wouldn't a bandage be nicer?" And the little girl says : "Well, I was playing with Rosie, and her big sister says that whenever she gets a prick in her hand she puts it in cider."

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