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Page 189

What's black and white and red all over? A skunk with diaper rash!

There was a doctor that performed circumcisions and after every circumcision he would keep the foreskin in a jar of formaldehyde. Years passed by until it was time for the good doctor to retire. He took his jar to a taxidermist and asked if there was anything he could make with it. The taxidermist said, "Sure...come back in two weeks and I'll have something for you." The doctor returns and asks, "Well...what have you got for me?" He is handed a lovely but small wallet. "WHAT....there must have been a thousand foreskins in that jar. All you could make out of them was this wallet?" the doctor exclaimed. "Wait a minute...you haven't seen the best part yet. If you rub it for a minute, it turns into a briefcase!"

What's better than roses on a piano? Two-lips on an organ!

What do you say to an Iraqi in a suit? Will the defendant please rise!

What did the normal baby say to the test tube baby? Ha..ha... your dad's a jerk off!

There was an old man from china Who wasn't a very good climber He fell on a rock It chopped off his cock And now he's got a vagina!

That do you call two skunks 69ing? Odor eaters!

It was a sensational and much-publicized murder case, and the court was crowded. In a stern and solemn voice, the clerk of the court was reading out the charges against the man in the dock. "You are hereby charged that on August 27 you battered your wife to death with a hammer..." "You bastard!" yelled a man at the back of the court. The judge banged his gavel and called for silence, and the clerk continued. "You are further charged that, on the same day, you then battered your mother-in-law to death with a hammer..." And again the man at the back of the court yelled out: "You bloody bastard!" It was too much for the judge. Banging his gavel furiously he demanded silence. And then he ordered the man who had been shouting from the back of the court to come forward and explain himself. "What do you mean by this?" demanded the judge. "Can you give me a good reason why I shouldn't charge you with contempt of court?" "Well, it's like this, your Honor," said the man. "I live next door to the accused, you see. A month ago I asked him if I could borrow a hammer and the bastard said he didn't have one!"

One day a group of soldiers at an army base were being interviewed by the General. He asked the first soldier what he did during the day. He replied, "I woke up to the horn, took a shower, reported for duty at the guard station, I had hot buns, had breakfast, went to afternoon drill, had dinner, and went to bed." The General went on to the next soldier. "And what did you do today?" he questioned. "I woke up to the horn, had hot buns, spent my morning in the kitchen preparing todays breakfast, reported for morning drill, had lunch and then reported for night watch, took a shower, and reported to bed." "How have you spent your day," the General asked the next soldier. The soldier replied, "I woke up to the horn, had breakfast, reported for morning drill, had hot buns, had dinner, visited the chapel, took a shower, went to bed. The General asked many more soldiers, receiving basically the same response. "And you soldier, how have you spent today?" "I woke up to the horn, went to morning drill, reported for duty in the main offices, had my lunch, took a shower, had my dinner, and then I went to bed." The general, now a little frustrated, asked, "Why didn't you have hot buns soldier...are hiding something?" "No sir, I beg your pardon, I am Hot Buns!

Man seeks advice to start up a business in a different country. "I'd like to open up a cheese shop in Holland." Advisor replies, "That's not such a good idea. Too many cheese shops in Holland." Man comes back 6 months later. "You were quite right about Holland." Advisor, "What have you decided to do then?" "I'm going to open a cheese shop in Israel." Advisor, "Good choice, what are you going to call it?" "Cheeses of Nazareth!"

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