Coop's Jokes

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Page 190


What's the definition of humiliation?

You walk into a wall with a hard-on and break your nose!




A man had just been married and came to work in a hurry the next day. He went up to a friend and said, "You must help me. My wife and I are both virgins and we don't know what to do!"

The friend replied, "Where are you going for your honeymoon?"

Man says, "To Disneyworld."

Friend, "OK, I'll come along with you and the first night I'll hide in the closet. if you have a problem....I'll be there."

Man, "Thank you!"

They did exactly that. The man left his wife and went to the bathroom. He stubbed his toe as he reentered the bed and uttered an , "Oh...shit!"

His friend in the closet whispered, "Flip her over! Flip her over!"




A man is shoveling snow for an old woman with no gloves on. He goes in the house and says, "My hands are freezing!"

The old lady replies, "You can stick them between my legs to warm them up."

He does so and then goes back to work. After a while he goes back in and says the same thing. They go through the same routine. He goes back out shoveling.

Before long he's back in complaining about his hands.

The lady says, "Say...don't your ears ever get cold?"




What do you call grit in a condom?

An organ grinder!




What's green and eats nuts?

Herpes!.




Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?

He decided to stick it out for one more year!




Harry from Boston was visiting Jerusalem. Each day his walk would take him past the Wailing Wall. Standing and praying at the wall each time he passed was a neighbor Sam. It didn't matter if Harry walked by at 7AM, Noon, 4PM even later, he would always see Sam praying. Finally Harry approached Sam and asked him what he was praying for.

Sam said that he only prayed for good things. He prayed that there will be peace on earth. He prayed that he will be good to his children and that his children will be good to him.

Harry asked Sam if all that prayer was working.

Sam replied, "It's like talking to a fucking wall!"




What's a blonde's favorite band?

Rubber!




How do you get eleven guys off a woman?

Throw em a football!




How do you stop your husband from drowning?

Take your foot off his neck!




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