Coop's Jokes Page-191

Page 191

Reminder: If it smells like fish...EAT IT!

What did the horny frog say?

Rub It... Rub It...

What's better than being up to your knees in beer?

Being up to your balls in-cider!

A guy walks into a police station with his car keys in his hand. He goes to the desk sergeant and says, "Officer...I want to report a stolen car!"

The cop says, "Where did you last see the car, sir?"

The guy says, "The last time I saw my car, it was on the end of this key."

Cop says, "Buddy, you're drunk! Go and sit on the bench and in a couple of hours we'll talk about where your car may be."

The guy reluctantly starts walking toward the bench. Cop says, "Hey man...your fly is down."

The guy looks down at his crotch and screams, "Oh my God! They took my girlfriend too!!"

Why is Italy shaped like a boot?

Do you think they could fit all that bull shit in a tennis shoe?

A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession. "Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday."

"Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked.
"Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission"
"Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father he also touched my breasts."
"You mean like this??" He touches her breasts.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father, he took off my clothes."
"Like this??" He takes off her clothes.
"Yes father."
"That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where."
"Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where.
"Yes father," she says sometime later.
"But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch."
"But father, he has AIDS."
"THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH !!!"

When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?

When he eats his first Brownie.

A two hundred pound woman with a rape whistle is like putting the Club on a 73 Pinto! The only balls she is going to see are in that whistle!

A straight guy and a gay are in the men's room and the straight guy has his shirt unbuttoned exposing a heavy coat of chest hair.

The gay asked how he came to have so much hair on his chest. He said, "I put Vaseline on it every night."

That night the gay put Vaseline on his chest and went to bed. His partner George said, "What in the hell is that?"

"It's to grow hair." he replied.

"Bull shit!" said George. "If Vaseline grew hair...I'd have tail a ten feet long!

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers. They were 8 and 10 years old and exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out that they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit's end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys. The father replied, "Sure, do that before I kill them!"

The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest. The priest sat the boy down across from the huge, impressive desk that he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.

Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

Again the boy looked all around but said nothing.

A third time, in an even louder and firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. "We are in really B I G trouble this time!" he said.

The older boy asked, "What do you mean, really B I G trouble?"

His brother replied, "God is missing!....and they think WE did it!"

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