Coop's Jokes Page-229

Page 229

Why does Dolly Parton have such a small waist? .

Because nothing grows well in the shade.

One day Tim decides to visit his old friend Joe who has been married to this beautiful model now for a couple of years. When he gets there he realizes that there is a long line of men standing outside Joe's door.

After a few inquires he learnes that Joe's wife is having sex with these men. Confused, Tim goes in to talk to his friend Joe. He asks Joe,"Man, why don't you just divorce this unfaithful wife of yours?".

Joe says , "Are you out of your mind! You want me to divorce her and go stand at the end of the line?"

An old man made it shakily through the door to Joe Conforte's Mustang Ranch, outside Reno, Nevada. The receptionist stared at him.

"You gotta be in the wrong place," she exclaimed. "What are you looking for?"

"Ain't this where you always got forty five girls ready 'n' able?"

The receptionist looked perplexed. "Ready for what?"

"I want a girl," the old man rasped. "I wanna get laid."

"How old are you, Pop?" she asked.

"92" he replied.

"92? Pop, you've had it."

"Oh." said the old man, a little disconcerted as his trembling fingers reached for his wallet. "How much do I owe you?"

One Monday morning a customer walked into Riley's pharmacy with a complaint. "Last Friday evening you sold me a gross of condoms, but when I opened them up there were only a hundred."

Riley was apologetic. He wrapped up 44 condoms and passed them over to his customer.

"Hope we didn't spoil your weekend."

A father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington.

"For gods sake!" he screamed, "Someone could have attacked you and raped you!"

"I wasn't ever in no danger at all", she said, trying to calm him down. "As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for sexually transmitted diseases."

How can you tell if your girlfriend is frigid?

When you open her legs the lights go on.

A husband went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during the day while running some errands. When he entered the house, he was surprised to see his wife in bed with a man who placed his head on her breasts. The husband demanded, "What on earth are you doing ?" To which the stranger replied, "I am listening to music !!"

The husband shoved the stranger aside and said, "Let me listen" and placed his head on her breasts. He exclaimed in suspicion, "I don't seem to hear any music ."

"Of course not," quipped the stranger, "You are not plugged in!"

The tri stages of sex in marriage:
1. Tri-weekly
2. Try-weekly
3. Try-weakly

John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met a party about three months ago."

John: "Hmm... Susan? about three months ago?"

Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."

John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"

Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."

John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."

I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on I-95 I look over to my left and there's this woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I look away for a couple seconds and when I look back she's halfway over in my lane.

Scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee."

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