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Wow do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."

Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married. Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Harry Schwartz is lying in a hospital bed. His wife, Selma, is by his side: "Selma, you've always been by my side." "When I broke my leg at 25; you were by my side." "When I had my first heart attack at 45, you were by my side." "When I had my second heart attack at 55, you were by my side." "When I had my prostate removed at 65, there you were, at my side." "Now, when I break my hip at 75, you are again by my side, my faithful wife." "You know, Selma, you're a fucking jinx!"

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!" Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. The pause and listen intently... They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast! The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We'd better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!". So they continue a short way down the road until they happen across this farmer working . The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened. "Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?", one of the men asked. The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?" The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat. The farmer said, "Well boys, I don't think that was my goat. You see, my goat was really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I had him tied to this big, old cinder block."

What do they call "Hee Haw" in Oklahoma? A documentary.

Why do they have a rear window defroster on the Yugo? So your hands stay warm while you're pushing it.

Seems like they're working on a sequel to the movie The Abyss. Rumor has it that they're going to call it Son of Abyss.

The grizzled old sea captain was quizzing a young, tyro naval student. "What steps would you take if a sudden storm came up on the starboard?" "I'd throw out an anchor, sir." "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?" "I'd throw out another anchor, sir." "But what if a third storm sprang up forward?" "I'd throw out another anchor, captain." "Just a minute, son. Where in the world are you getting all these anchors?" "From the same place you're getting all your storms, sir.

Once there was a boy named Odd. Odd was the butt of jokes his whole life, because of his name, even though he grew up to be a sucsessful lawyer. When Odd was old and about to die, he said, "People have been teasing me my whole life, and I don't want them doing it after I am dead, so I don't want my name printed on my tombstone." After Odd died, people saw his blank tombstone and said, "That's odd!"

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