Page 52

A couple age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Doctor, Will you watch us have intercourse?" The Doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple finished, the Doctor said "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he charged them $10.00. This happened for several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, and then leave. Finally the Doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "we're not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. Holiday Inn charges $22.00, the Hilton charges $27.00, we do it here for $10.00 and I get $8.00 back from Medicare for every visit to the Doctor's office.

An 80 year old couple decide they want kids again. They visit the doctor who suggests, since they are a little older than usual, some tests might be in order. He hands the couple a small jar and asks them to go next door and for the gentleman to fill it so they can test his sperm count. A few minutes later the couple returns and hands back the jar. The doctor exclaims, "But it's still empty!" The main replies, "I know. I tried with my right hand, I tried with my left hand, then I tried with both hands, and I still couldn't do it. Then my wife tried with her right hand, then her left hand, and with both hands. She tried with her teeth in and her teeth out, and we still couldn't get the lid off that jar!"

An Italian kid, on a six-month cruise in the Navy, decides to send pictures to his mom and girlfriend. He takes a picture of himself naked, then rips it in half, intending to send the top half to his mother and the bottom half to his girlfriend. But he mixes them up. When his mother gets his letter, she looks at the picture and says, "Atsa my Luigi ... long nose, droopy cheeks, and don't-a never shave."

A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died. After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and they discussed their predicament in great depth. Finally the priest said to the nun, "you know sister, I am about to die, and there's always been one thing I've wanted here on earth--to see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can look at you?" The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to take off her clothes. As she was doing so, she remarked, "well, Father, now that I think about it, I've never seen a man naked, either. Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?" With little hesitation, the priest also stripped. Suddenly the nun exclaimed, "Father! What is that little thing hanging between your legs?" The priest patiently answered, "That, my child, is a gift from God. If I put it in you, it creates a new life." "Well," responded the nun, "forget about me. Stick it in the camel!"

In a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male semen?" "That's correct", responded the prof, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl’s face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class...and never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the Profs reply was classic... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, he stated "It doesn't taste sweet, because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue".

The father was very anxious to marry off his only daughter so he wanted to impress her date. "Do you like to screw?" he asked. "Huh?!" replied the surprised first date. "My daughter, she loves to screw and she's good at it. You and her should go screw," explained the father. Now very interested the boy replied, "Yes, sir!!!" Minutes later the girl came down the stairs, kissed her father goodbye and the couple left. After only a few minutes she reappeared, furious, dress torn, hair a mess and screamed, "Dammit, Daddy, it's the TWIST, get it right!"

A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" "Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic."

The newest vitamin is made from chicken soup. It makes men cocky and women lay better.

The young couple were holding hands in the Sunshine Gardens nudist camp. "When I tell you I love you," he asked, "why do you always lower your eyes?" "To see if it's true," she answered shyly.

Mary and Betty were friends that worked in the same office. At lunch, Betty confided to her co-worker that she had an awful row with her husband the night before. "What was it about?" asked Mary. "He was going through a closet, looking for something, and found my birth control pills." "Well?" "He had a vasectomy two years ago!"

To Page 51 Coop's Home Page To Page 53 Back To Dial A Joke-Page