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A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. "That's strange," said the fox. "Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree." "Listen, bud," replied the boy squirrel. "Did you ever try to climb a tree when you were in the process of making love?"

Husband, upon meeting ex- after two years of separation, "Listen honey, why don't we have a few drinks, dinner, go to my apartment and really make love?" "Over my dead body!" "You haven't changed a bit"

At a gynecologists convention Dr. Goldfinger began to read his paper on "The Variation of the Clitoris". "One of the most unusual cases I ever came across," he told his audience, "was a clitoris that had a close resemblance to a watermelon." Dr. Goldfinger was interrupted by another doctor, who said that he might have been examining an enlarged organ but to compare it to a watermelon would indeed be frivolous. Goldfinger stared him down and replied: "I wasn't referring to size but to taste."

Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. "Mommy," she said, "I'd like you to answer one question." "Very good," replied her mother, "I was wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees." "It's not that," said the girl. "I know all about screwing. What I would like to know is how to make lasagna."

The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. "Colonel!" he spat out. "Yes, general!" the colonel quavered. "Your troops, your troops," stormed the general. "They look very nice, they stand very nice, but they stink, man, they stink! Can't you get them to change their underwear?" He strode away furiously. The colonel sniffed for himself. "The general, yes, he's right. Now, Luigi change with Guiseppi, Carlo change with Giovanni..."

The research worker, conducting a sex survey, phoned one of the husbands whose completed form was spread out before him. "Mr Pullman, there seems to be some discrepancies between the answers of you and your wife to the same question. For example, under 'Frequency of Intercourse you wrote 'Three times a week and your wife 'Three times a night." "Well, that's right," replied the husband, "but that's only until we have paid off the mortgage on the house."

The married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation. After a few days he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation. Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend: "Take next plane for fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress." His friend was quick to wire back: "Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 11.30 a.m. How long have you known about us?

Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. "Please fill this immediately," she asked. "I've got people waiting in my car!"

A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of Indians. The Indians were all prepared to kill him when the chief announced that due to the celebration of the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he would die. "What do you want for your first wish?" asks the chief. "I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. He goes over to his horse and whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt. "What do you want for your second wish?" says the chief. "I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. Again, the cowboy whispers in the horses ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later, and the chief asks the cowboy "What do you want for your last wish?" "I wanna talk to mah horse!" says the cowboy. He grabs the horse by the ears and yells, "You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE!!!!"

A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quavering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell d-dildoes h-here?" The sa lesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance in his shop, answered, "Uh, yes, Ma'am. We do." The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, "D-do y-you ha-aave an-ny ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?" "Well, yes Ma'am, we do. We have several that size." Forming a 5" circle with her fingers, she then asked, "A-are an-nny of t-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?" "Well... Yes ma'am a few of them are about that big." "D-do aa-ny of th-them ha-ave a v-v-vibra-a-ator?" "Yes, Ma'am, one of them does." "W-Wel-ll, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?"

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