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A man and a woman are in a hotel and are about to have sex. They already have all of their clothes off and are in the bed when the woman says, "I want a pack of cigarettes." The man says, "You want a pack of cigarettes... before?" She says, "Ya, I'll concentrate better if I have a smoke." The man says, "OK," and goes to get a pack of cigarettes. He doesn't think to get dressed because it is so late. He goes to the cigarette machine and decides to buy two packs just in case. He starts heading back to his room when he sees three nuns. He poses as a statue and hopes they'll pass by. The nuns come over to him and since they had never seen a naked man they thought he was a vending machine. The first nun searches for the trigger mechanism and pulls his johnson. Startled, he drops a pack of cigarettes. The second nun does the same and he drops the other pack of cigarettes. When the third nun executes the maneuver she says, "Look girls it has lotion, too!"

A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word indefinitely in a sentence. Well, this asshole named Bobby has his hand raised in the back of the class. But the teacher knows he's an asshole and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Jim. Jim replies, "Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely. "Good" the teacher replies. "What about you Jenny?" Jenny says, "Since the bus broke down transportation was stopped indefinitely." The teacher then says that that sentence was too much like the other one, and she asks if anyone can use it in a different way. So there's Bobby waving his hand, And the teacher thinks ... (Maybe he really does know the answer), so she calls on him. Bobby stands up and says, "As I felt my balls slap off her ass, I knew that I was indefinitely!

There's a Canadian an American and an Iraqi. Each is challenged to go into and remain in a house for ten minutes. The prize is $10,000 dollars. What they don't know is that there is a skunk in the house! The Canadian goes in and runs out after five seconds, "It stinks in there!" The American goes in and last ten seconds. Then the Iraqi goes in and five seconds later the skunk runs out!

A man who had just moved out to the country decides to start a farm. He goes to one nearby and asks to buy a chicken. The farmer tells the man that they don't call them chickens there. "We say pullets." Then the man selects a donkey. The farmer says, "We don't call them donkeys. Here we say, asses. And, by the way, if he ever stops on you, why just hit him a few times." Then the man asks for one more animal. He asked for a rooster. The farmer says, "We also have a slang name for them. We call them cocks." The man was walking home, down the road with his three new animals, when all of a sudden the donkey stops in the middle of the road. A woman is also walking down the street and he asks her if she will do a favor for him. She says, "Sure, what do you need?" The man replies, "Can you hold my cock and pullet... while I slap my ass?"

How can you tell if a Blonde has been on your computer? There is white out on your screen, there is money in your floppy disk drive, and your joystick is wet.

A man goes to his dentist for a regular checkup. After the dentist has had a short look at the man's mouth he says, "So...been licking your wife recently?" The poor man looks up in horror and replies, "Uhhh ...Yeah ...uhhh ...why? ...Do I have pubes between my teeth?" Whereupon the dentist replies, "Nope ...you've got shit in your nostrils!"

A blonde walks into a doctors office with a gunshot wound in her hand. The doctor asks, "How did this happen?" She replies, "Well, I was trying to commit suicide. I stuck the gun to my head and then...just before I pulled the trigger... I thought, this is going to be loud. So I covered my other ear before pulling the trigger"

There was a man who had memory loss. His wife got so fed up with him that she decided to take him to a doctor to help him remember things. A few weeks later the man was out of the hospital and his wife felt he had made a big improvement. A few days later they decided to celebrate so they invited their parents over for dinner. The man's father asked what the doctor's name was. The man replied, "What's the name of that flower with a long stem and little thorns on it?" His dad looked confused and said, "Rose?" "Yes that's it... Hey, Rose... whats the name of my doctor?"

A cowboy walks into a Texas bar saying, "I'm so thirsty I could suck the sweat off a Bull’s balls!" To which a gay guy responds, "Moo.. moo.. buckaroo!"

There are two twins resting in their mother's womb. The younger one ask the older one, "Brother, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "I think I'm gonna be an electrician," the older one replies. "Why is that?" the first asks. "Well, it's much too dark in here. What about you little brother?" the older one asks. "I'm gonna be a kungfu master!" "Why that?" the older one asks surprisingly. "Man, because I wanna kick the shit out of that Bald Headed Bastard that comes in and out of here every damn night!"

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