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What do you do if an Iraqi with half a head comes running at you? Stop laughing and reload!

Why is shit tapered? So your asshole won't slam shut!

Why do white people go to yard sales in the ghetto? To get there shit back!

A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman ... then ... pow! ... it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "Ahhhh ... my wife found out ..."

There was a father and his young son who lived in a secluded village somewhere in central Australia. The boy's mother had left the father under difficult circumstances, and he had had bad experiences with women ever since. So he took his boy aside one day and told him, "Listen son, don't go messing around with women, because, you know, down there, they've got teeth down there." The boy listened intently to his father's advice. Years passed, the boy has grown up and his father has died, leaving him alone. So, one day, the boy ventures to the closest large town, where he goes to a club in search of companionship. He strikes up a conversation with a beautiful young girl. Things are going well, and they end up back at her place. They are about to get into bed when the boy remembers his father's advice and shys away. "What's wrong?" she asks. "Well, my father told me that women have teeth down there" replied the young man. "Of course we haven't got teeth down there!! Have a look if you like." So he takes her up on the offer. He takes off her panties, and he's poking around, examining the lady's most private parts. "Hmmmm. I don't see any teeth down here, but you should see the state of your gums."

A ventriloquist is working down South and during his show a hick stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ONSTAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us southerners being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!" "Relax" said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!" "I'm not talking to you, sir!" The hick replied "I'm talking to that little bastard sitting on your knee!"

A man joins a nudist colony, takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A 6-foot blonde walks by him; the man gets a hard-on. Blonde: "Sir, did you call for me?" New Man: "No, I just got here." Blonde: "You must be new here, it's a rule when I give you a hard-on, it implies you called for me." The blonde lies down and lets the man screw her. The man gets up happy, enters the sauna, sits down, and farts. A huge man comes toward him. Huge Man: "Sir, did you call for me?" New Man: "No, I just got here." Huge Man: You must be new here, it is a rule when you fart, and it implies you called for me." The huge man turns him around and sodomizes him. The new man rushes back to the receptionist... New Man: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500." Receptionist: "But Sir, you only saw 1% of our facilities...." New Man: (Rudely interrupting) "Listen lady, I am 45 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day."

The Ebonic Lord's Prayer Big Daddy's Rap - The Lord's Prayer Yo, Bid Daddy upstairs, - Our Father, who art in heaven You be chillin - Hallowed be thy name So be yo hood - Thy Kingdom come You be sayin' it, I be doin' it - Thy will be done In this here hood and yo's - On earth as it is in heaven Gimme some eats - Give us this day our daily bread And cut me some slack, Blood - And forgive us our trespasses Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me - As we forgive those who trespass against us don't be pushing me into no jive - And lead us not into temptation and keep dem Crips away - But deliver us from evil 'Cause you always be da Man - For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever.

A man had to go to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting. When he arrived at the Motel in town, he found that he had a lot of time before the meeting. He asked the clerk where the nearest golf course was and was given directions on how to get there. While playing on the front nine, he was going over the speech in his mind and became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a Lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and told her about his big meeting and the speech he was to make and his confusion about where he was on the course, asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied "I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened. and he approached her again with the same request. She said "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, So you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went into the club house where he saw the Lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the Lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help. I understand that you are a sales lady, well I am in sales also. What do you sell"? She replied, "if I told you, you would only laugh." "No I wouldn't", he said and persisted that she tell him what she sold. "Well if you must know", she answered, "I sell Tampax." With that, he fell on the floor and laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said "see I knew you would laugh." "That's not what I'm laughing at" he replied, "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you!"

Actual Police Accounts The woman in question, a cute blonde as it happens, was pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said: "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, "No, highway patrolmen don't have balls." There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.

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