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This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar but says "What the heck, I really want a drink". When the gay waiter approaches he says to the customer "What's the name of your penis?". The customer says "Look, I'm just not into that. All I want is a drink". The gay waiter says "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis." So the customer says "all right, what's the name of your penis?" The gay waiter says "NIKE ... you know, JUST DO IT". The customer thinks for a moment and says "The name of my penis is Secret". The waiter says "SECRET?". The customer replies "Yeah....Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!"

Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side. An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey ! How about it babe ? You and me ?" As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars." She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch ?"

The two female teens were discussing a news article concerning gasoline fumes causing impotence in the male. "Aren't you worried about Tommy's new job at the gas station? Those fumes could cause him to lose the lead in his pencil." "Doesn't matter." giggled the other girl. "He doesn't do all my writing anyway."

For me, penises are a hobby ... kinda like fishing ... The small ones you throw back. The good-sized ones you take home for dinner, and The big ones you mount."

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing," shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback....

What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is? An insurance company.

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father. The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!" The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew the rug - and the woman - over the railing. "God, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. So he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you fuck?" he asked. "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her too. The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck!, I fuck!" she screamed in panic. "Slut," he said...and dropped her.

A lady stumbles into a bar. She says, "Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down. She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down. She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, because..because I've got heartburn." The bartender says, "Look, lady...it's not beertender, it's bartender. It's not a martuni, it's a martini. It's not a dribble, it's a double. That's not a pickle, it's an onion. And you haven't got heartburn, "You have your left tit in the Ashtray!"

The company president called the chief security guard into his office. "Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don't belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop." Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I won't' do it again." The company president said, "I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that." Chuck's face lit up. "Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was complaining!!!!"

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