Page 68

A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet. She goes over to the ball, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically: "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies: "No, you see there is your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."

A German, Englishman and American are traveling on a train. They get bored and start telling each other about their families. The German says, "I have 4 kids, one more and they'll make a basketball team." The Englishman says, "Huh! That's nothing I have 10 boys; one more and I'll be the world-champion soccer-team's coach." The American starts laughing. He says, "I've had 17 wives and no kids! But one more wife and I'll open a golf course!"

A friend and I were golfing one day when at the 18th hole this guy comes out of nowhere and asks if he could join us. I tell him, "Well, we're just about done but if you want to join us tomorrow you can. We start at 8 o'clock." He said, "Great! I'll be here at 8 o'clock, maybe 8:05..." So next day he shows up at 8 o'clock and plays scratch golf; he was good. We were going to play again the next day and we invited him to join us. He said, "Great! I'll be here at 8 o'clock, maybe 8:05..." So the next day he shows up at 8 o'clock, plays with his opposite hand, and shoots under par! I'm a bit amazed with this guy so I ask him, "You're a pretty good golfer, beating us with scratch golf and then showing-off by playing just as good with your opposite hand. Just what is you secret?" He said, "Well...when I wake up in the morning and my wife is lying on her left side, I play left-handed. Or when I wake up in the morning and my wife is laying on her right side, I play right-handed." So I ask, "what if she is laying on her back?" "That's when I get here at 8:05."

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains. So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?" "Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash." "What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women. "Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like that, you don't do the laundry."

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, "What's that for?" "It's for your headache." "I don't have a headache." He replies, "Gotcha!"

What's the difference between a wedding and a funeral? One less drunk.

The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to whisper, "Darling am I the first man to make love to you ?" Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable. "Of course you are!" she said. "And also the best too. I don't know why you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions."

Did you heard of the three gay guys in San Francisco who stopped a straight woman on the street? Well, two held the woman while the third one did her hair.

Two gay guys were at a fair. One wanted to go on the rollercoaster but the other didn't. So the one guy gets on and enjoys it so much he has more than one go. Suddenly the whole ride collapses into a pile of twisted metal. The other guy rushes to the scene and searches through the dust and metal for his friend. He finds him. "Are you hurt?" "Hurt? Hurt? I'll say, I went round three times and you didn't wave to me once."

This really tough Hells-Angel type bursts into a bar and strides up to the middle of the bar. He orders a beer, gulps it down, turns to the people at the left end of the bar and growls "All you down there... You're all a bunch of queer cock suckers!" he gulps down a second beer and turns to the right side of the bar. "You're all a bunch of stupid mother fuckers." All is still for a moment until a guy at the right end gets up. The Hells Angel says "Where the fuck you going?" The guy says "I'm at the wrong end of the bar."

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