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A gay guy pays a visit on his doctor and confides that he has, um, a vibrator stuck up his ass. The doc says, "No problem, I'll have it out shortly." "Oh, no, don't remove it." The doc says, puzzled, "Then what do you want me to do?" "Change the batteries, please."

What did Adam say to Eve? You'd better stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets.

Lempi took a job with Odovero Construction to paint lines on M28. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed. The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet. The boss sat him down and said," Lempi, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?". Lempi replied, "Well boss, each day I get farther and farther away from the paint can".

O.J. Simpson will go down in history as one of the most versatile players in history... He entered the NFL as a running back... He entered jail as a tight end... and left jail prison as a wide receiver!

I heard that O.J. lost his Hertz Rental Car endorsement contract, but he has a new endorsement offer. Taco Bell has hired him to "Run for the Border."

When Marcia Clark asked Kato Kaelin where he had been between 9 and 11. Kato replied, "third grade."

What do the state of California and Taco Bell have in common? They are two things that can give O.J. gas.

After looking all over LA, they finally found 12 people who have never seen O.J. Simpson, never heard of O.J. Simpson, and have no idea who O.J. Simpson is or was. They're all professors at USC.

Don't know if you've heard, but Shapiro is in a lot of trouble. It seems that he's been sneaking hookers into O.J.'s cell. He got one in last night, and she and O.J. were goin' at it. Afterward she told O.J., "I've got some good news and some bad news." O.J. says, "I'm in prison, I'm up on murder charges. I think I've had just about all the bad news I can handle. What's the good news?" "You're four inches longer than Magic."

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe there. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!! One day, the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary. "You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!" The missionary replies: "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion." The chief pauses for a moment then says, "Tell you what, you don't say anything about the sheep, I won't say anything about the white child."

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