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When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout? When he eats his first Brownie.

Once, there was this guy, who personally felt that he has committed lots of sinful crime and therefore decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at a church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor. "Father, I am sinful. " "Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you." "Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her." "That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake." "Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too." "That's not very good of you." "Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too." "Father? ......... Father?" suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him. "Father? Where are you?" He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?" "Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."

The Marine 3-star general in charge of the joint office called his entire staff in for an indoctrination meeting. When they were all inside, the general had his aide close the door and said, "If you're going to work in this office, you need to have COMMITMENT, each and every one of you. Nothing is more important." He then said to his aide, "Let him go." The aide opened up the door to a side office, and in ran a 7-foot long alligator, snarling and snapping. The general looked straight at his new people and said "You're each going to have to demonstrate COMMITMENT." He then undid his belt and dropped his trousers around his knees. Immediately the alligator ran up and sunk his teeth right into the general's family jewels and held on tight. The general winced, but instantly composed himself and shouted, "This is COMMITMENT!" He waited several seconds more, then took two of his fingers and jabbed the alligator in both eyes. The gator flipped over on his back, jumped up, and ran into the corner of the office, glaring angrily at the general. "That, my friends, is COMMITMENT. Which one of you is ready to demonstrate his COMMITMENT?" There was much shuffling of feet and murmuring. Finally an AF fighter pilot stepped forward and said, "I will sir, if you promise not to poke me in the eyes."

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he hopes will scare the kids away for sure: He makes up a sign and posts it in the field. That night the kids show up and see this sign which says, "Warning: One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids run off and make up their own sign which they post next to the farmer's sign. The next day, the farmer shows up to look over his field. He notices that no watermelons are missing but that there's now a sign next to his. He drives over to take a look. It says, "Now there are two."

A priest decides to pay a visit to a nearby convent. The convent is in a run-down neighborhood, and as the priest walks down the street several prostitutes approach and proposition him. "Twenty bucks a trick!" These solicitations embarrass the priest who lowers his head and hurries on until he gets to the convent. Once inside he displays his naiveté by asking the Mother Superior, "What is a trick?" She answers, "Twenty bucks -- just like on the street."

Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila says, "When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!" Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barked, "What did you say?!" "A prostitute!" Sheila repeated. Sister Catherine breathed a sight of relief and saying, "Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant"

SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING SIGN UP NOW FOR ADDITIONAL TRAINING It is now, and always has been the policy of this company to assure its employees that they are well-trained. Through our Special High Intensity Training program (SHIT), we have given our employees more SHIT than any other company in the area. If any employee feels that he or she does not receive enough SHIT on their job, or that he or she feels that he or she could advance to another position by taking more SHIT, please see your supervisor. Our management people are well-trained to assure you that you will get all the SHIT you can handle. THANK YOU, The Management

There once was a man who had three girlfriends, and he couldn’t decide which one to marry. He decided to give five thousand dollars to each woman to see what she would do with it. The first woman bought new clothes for herself. She got an expensive new hairdo, a massage, a facial, a manicure, and a pedicure. She said, I spent the money so that I would look pretty for you because I love you so much. The second woman bought a VCR, a CD player, a set of golf clubs, and a tennis racket and gave them to the man. I used the money to buy you these gifts because I love you, she told him. The third woman invested the money in the stock market and within a short time had doubled her investment. She returned the initial five thousand dollars to the man and reinvested the profit. Im investing in our future because I love you so much, she said. The man carefully considered how each woman had spent the money, and married the woman with the biggest tits.

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished they fell asleep and didn't wake up till 8 o'clock. They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she does as he asks (thinking he's pretty weird). The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door. Upset, she asks where he's been. The man replies "I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love then fell asleep. That's why I'm late." The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, "I see those grass stains on your shoes. You've been playing golf again, haven't you!?"

What's the difference between Simba and O.J.? One's an African lion the other a lion African!

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