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A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested. When the case came before the court, the young man was as asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments remove Swelling". I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident." He won the case.

A young woman in a REALLY skimpy skirt was at the bus stop. When the bus arrived and the doors opened she tried to climb the steps. However, her skirt was too tight and her legs couldn't move. So, she reached behind her and undid her zipper. She tried to step up again, and still couldn't, so she reached behind again and played with the zipper. She tried to climb the steps again...still no luck. So, as she reached behind again, a pair of strong hands picked her up and placed her on the top step. "What do you think you're doing?", she asked the guy behind her. "Well, I figured the second time you undid my fly we were at least good friends!"

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in. "OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Good," said the first bat, "Because I didn't!"

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up; whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the balls. The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his nuts, howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you." The Scotsman said, "Keep the damn egg."

President Clinton wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and there is a light blanket of snow on the ground. He stretches and goes to look out the window at the snow-covered White House lawn and sees the words "President Clinton sucks" written in pee in the snow. Clinton gets all upset and calls White House Security. He tells them he doesn't care what it takes but he wants to know who did this. The Chief of Security returns in a couple of days to the President and tells him that he has good news, bad news, and real bad news. "OK," says Clinton, "give me the good news first, then the bad news, and then the real bad news." The Chief says: "The good news is after taking analysis of the pee, we know who the culprit is." Clinton nods and the Chief continues: "The bad news is the culprit is Vice President Gore." This really upsets the President, but he controls his anger and asks the Chief to tell him the real bad news. The Chief of Security swallows and says, "It's in Hilary's hand writing".

One very rainy night this old couple changed their plans and stopped at this "Honeymoon Hotel" because driving anymore down the highway really was foolish. Well no sooner did they get to bed than the wall behind their headboard started to bump irregularly and through the paper-thin walls the older fella heard a young woman's voice say "Oh Honey-your so strong". This old fella turns to his wife and says "Why don't you ever say that to me? "Because you are not strong anymore" was his wife's answer. Then the young woman's voice said "Oh-you're so romantic" "Why don't you ever say that to me?" asks the old fella to his wife. "Because you are not romantic anymore" his wife said. Then the young female said "Oh -that was a wonderful climax-Thank You!" The old fella asked in a loud voice "Why don't you ever tell ME when you have a great climax?" His wife sits up in bed, turns and stares at her husband and promptly yells back her answer. "Because you're never around when I have them!!!"

Doris & Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their 2 up 2 down terrace house. After a few days a young attractive woman applies for the room and explains that she is a model working in a nearby city centre studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room for Mondays to Thursdays but would pay for the whole week. Doris shows her the house and they agree to start straight away. "There's just one problem" explains the model " because of my job I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath?" "That's not a problem" replies Doris "we have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it in to the living room, in front of the fire, and fill it with hot water." "What about your husband?" asks the model. "Oh he plays darts most weekdays - so he will be out in the evenings." replies Doris. "Good" says the model " that being settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight." That evening Fred dutifully goes to his darts match whilst Doris prepares the bath for the model. After stripping off the model steps into the bath and Doris is amazed to see that she has no pubic hair. The model notices Doris's staring eyes, smiles and explains that it is part of her job to shave her pussy especially when modelling swim wear or underclothes. Later when Fred returns, Doris relates this oddity and he does not believe her. "It's true I tell you" says Doris "look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself." The next night Fred leaves as usual and Doris prepares the bath for the model. As the model steps naked into the bath - Doris,standing behind her, looks towards the curtains, and points towards the model's naked pussy. Then she lifts up her skirt and wearing no panties, points to her own hairy mass. Later Fed returns and they retire to bed. "Well do you believe me now?" she asks Fred. "Yes" he replies "I've never seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your skirt and show your hairy twat?" "Just to show you the difference" answers Doris "but anyway you've seen my pussy millions of times?" "Yes" says Fred "I have...but the rest of the fucking darts team haven't."

A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, "I'm going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol." She blows up the balloon and he walks over to the police car. After a couple of minutes comes back and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones." She replies "You mean it shows that, too?"

There was this drunk who said to the bartender, "I want a woman!" so the bartender gave him directions to a place. The drunk was so messed up that he couldn't remember where the bartender told him to go. So he accidentally walks into a Foot Doctor's office. The lady at the counter asks, "Can I help you?" The Drunk says, "Yes, I want some service." So the lady replies, "Go in the other room and put it on the table." So the drunk goes and puts his dick on the table. The lady comes in and says, "That's not a foot!" The drunk replies, "Give it time, lady, Give it time."

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