Page 73

An arm less man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms. The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him. The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?" The bartender quickly replied, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."

A guy walks into a bar, looking all depressed. He goes to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender brings it to him and asks "Do you want to talk about something? You look kinda down in the dumps". The guy says "Well, I've suspected that my wife has been cheating on me for months, so today I took the day off work to follow her. Well, when I came home, I caught her with my best friend!" "Wow, that must have been hard!" the bartender says "What exactly do you say to your friend in a situation like that?" The guy at the bar replies "Well, I looked him straight in the eye, and I yelled BAD DOG!"

A physically large guys meets a woman at a bar, and after a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for ... the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms, and says "See there, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!". She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, and strikes a muscle builders pose, and says, referring to his bulging legs "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!". She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to run out the door, and asks "Why are you in such a hurry to leave?". She replies "with 2000 pounds of dynamite, and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man. "It's o.k.," he replied, "it's written in the Bible." So after a wild night of sex the hat check girl asked to see where in the Bible it says it's okay. The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the first page where someone wrote in pencil - "The hat check girl puts out!"

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it? Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

First man: How'd you get that black eye? Second man: I called some woman a two-bit whore. First man: She punched you? Second man: Nope. She hit me with her bag of quarters.

Both Clinton and the Pope die, but there is a mix up. Clinton went to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell. The Pope explains the situation to the hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to process the paperwork and make the switch. The next day, the Pope is called in and the hell administration bids him farewell and he heads for heaven. On the way up, he meets Clinton on the way down, and they stop to chat. Pope: Sorry about the mix up. Clinton: No problem. Pope: I'm really excited about going to heaven. Clinton: Why's that? Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary. Clinton: You're a day late.

The little boy was 8 yrs old when his parents decided to have him circumcised (looking different than dad, other kids, etc.). After a few days of recovery, the boy went back to school. After about an hour, the pain was really starting to bother him so he asked if he could see the school nurse. He went to see her but was too embarrassed to tell her what the problem was. She suggested that he call his Mom and see if she could come and get him. The nurse waited in the other room while the call was made. After a few minutes the little boy came out and started walking back to class, but the nurse noticed that his penis was hanging out of his pants. She said "Johnny, what are you doing? You can't walk around like that." He replied, "Well I told my Mom how much I hurt and she said that if I could just stick it out till lunch time she would come pick me up then."

Ted and his wife where waiting at the bus stop with Harry, his spouse and Harry's nine children. At last the bus drew up, packed with poeple. The two women, and the nine children managed to get on. but the men where left behind and had to walk. After trotting along the road for an hour, Ted's walking stick got on Harry's nerves with its continual tapping. "Why don't you put a rubber on that stick!" Harry complained. Ted snapped back "If you'd put a rubber on your stick, we'd have got on that blasted bus."

There was this guy who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles a day. One morning as he looked into the mirror to admire his body he noticed that he was suntanned all over, with one exception, his penis, which he really decided to do something about. He went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out. Two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other old lady, "There really is no justice in the world!" The other little old lady said, "What do you mean by that?" The first old lady said, "Look at that." When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild and I'm to old to squat.

To Page 72 Coop's Home Page To Page 74 Back To Dial A Joke-Page