Page 79

What do the Chinese call a 69? Two can chew!!

Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performances as lovers. The first woman says "My Husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that." The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that." The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

A mom of an 8 year old boy was awaiting her son's arrival from school. As he ran in, he said he needed to talk to her about making babies. He claimed he knew about the development of a fetus but didn't understand the answer to that "million dollar question". Namely, how did the sperm get into the woman? The mom asked the boy what he thought the answer was. The boy said that the sperm is manufactured in the man's stomach, it rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth whereupon he kisses the woman and deposits the sperm into her mouth. The mom told her boy that that was a good guess, but wrong. She said that she would give him a hint...that the sperm came out of the man's penis. Suddenly, the boy's face became quite red and he said, "YOU MEAN YOU PUT YOUR MOUTH ON THAT THING!!??"

Two guys, Jimmy and Bill are standing at the gates of heaven. Trying to be friendly, Jimmy asks Bill, "So, how did you get here?" Bill replies "Hypothermia, how about you?" "Well," Jimmy said, "I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so, one day I came home early to catch her in the act. I searched the whole house but there was no one there. I felt so bad about the whole thing I had a massive heart attack." "Oh great, "said Bill, "If you would've checked the freezer we would both be alive!"

What's the biggest drawback of the jungle? An elephant's foreskin.

Two Chinese tourists were visiting USA. After some rambling, they got rather hungry. The first said, "I'd love to eat some dog." The second "Me, too! And look at that sign! It says, 'HOT DOGS'!" The other Chinese flicks through his English-Chinese dictionary and is confirmed that they serve dog there. They both walk into the shop and order hot dogs. After receiving their meals, the first Chinese looks between the bun and goes all white. He stares at his friend and asks, "Which part of the dog's anatomy did YOU get?"

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says "I have some bad news. You have HAGS." "What is HAGS" the man asks. "It's herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis" says the doctor. "Oh my God" says the man. "What are you going to do?" "We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza." "Is that going to help me" says the man. "No" says the doctor. "But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door"

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Shortly after he recovers from his an anesthetic his surgeon comes in and tells him: "Well, I've got good news and I've got bad news for you." "Give me the bad news first, Doc." says the patient. "I'm afraid that we accidentally cut your balls off during surgery, son." "Oh my god!" the patient cries, breaking into tears. "But the good news", the doctor adds, "is that we had them biopsied and you'll be relieved to know that they weren't malignant."

Hear about the queer whale? He bit off the tip of a submarine and sucked out all the seamen.

There are these two queers, named Syrel and Sessil, driving happily along in their car. As they came to an intersection, they stopped for the red light. All of a sudden a big semi-trailer comes crunching through the back of their car! Syrel and Sessil were really pissed! Syrel says to Sessil to get out of the car to tell off the truck driver. So Sessil gets out of the car and approaches the truck driver, who apparently is one huge mother trucker (tattoos and all)! "You bloody idiot! Look at what you've done to our beloved car!", exclaims Sessil. "You're going to pay for this damage you know!" "Suck my dick!", shouts the truck driver. This prompted Sessil to go back to his car, to discuss the situation with Syrel. "I think he wants to settle out of court, Syrel."

To Page 78 Coop's Home Page To Page 80 Back To Dial A Joke-Page