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A young couple gets caught parking. The cop says, "What do you think you're doing?" The guys says, "Officer, we're just necking." The cop says, "Yeah? Then you better put your neck back in your pants and get the hell out of here."

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy.

Why do women smile as they walk down the aisle? Because they know they've given their last blow job.

Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms? For better traction in the mud.

Why is a sheep better than a woman? A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.

How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down? Marry her.

This guy gets drunk one night, and wakes up with a terrible hangover, and realizes he's in a motel. As his eyes come into focus, he sees a very ugly girl sitting at the foot of the bed, staring at him. She looks at him says, "What are we going to name it?" He picks up the rubber he used the night before, ties it in a knot, tosses it out the window, and says, "If he gets out of this we'll call him Houdini."

Did you hear about the perverted archaeologist? He could sniff a used tampon and tell you what period it was from.

A guy from the deep south comes to New York and he's amazed by the indoor plumbing. He's so intrigued by the way the toilets work that he goes to the Sewage Disposal Plant to check it out. One of the inspectors shows him to the conveyor belt that carries all the bowel movements. As the piles of shit parade by them, the inspector says, "You can tell by inspection who the assorted feces belong to. See that one? I'm sure it's the turd of a Mexican. See the pieces of taco shell, and the tomato seeds? And this next one is obviously the turd of a Chinaman or a Jap, see the fish eyes and the rice in it? And this next one is surely from a queer." The hick says, "How can you tell?" The inspector says, "It's dented on one end."

What do two lesbians do if they're both menstruating? Fingerpaint.

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