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This fellow was screwing his best friend's wife when he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. "What the hell is your problem?" the lady asked. "I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friends pussy," the man moaned. The lady reached over and patted him on the back. "Well, if that's all it is, you can stop worrying," she said. "You're not getting his pussy. His pussy is five to six inches deeper."

One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Shepherd. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket. "Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell you about this." "Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you!"

The common symptoms of swine flu are: High fever, upset stomach, occasional cramps and an irresistible urge to fuck in the mud.

A grungy old lumberjack, in town for the first time in weeks, went to the local brothel and demanded the roughest, toughest and meanest girl in the house. "That'll be Mary," said the madam. "Go to Room Four, and I'll send her up." "Fine, "said the lumberjack," and tell her to bring a couple of beers." In due time, Mary appeared. She put the two bottles of beer on the floor, took off her negligee, positioned herself on her hands and knees and pointed to her pussy. "No! No!" exclaimed the lumberjack. "In the bed, the old-fashioned way!" "Sure, pal," grunted Mary, "but I thought ya might want to open them beers first."

What does a camera and a condom have in common? They both capture that magic moment.

What's stiff and excites women? Elvis Presley.

The pope and one of his aides were traveling across the Atlantic on plane, and during the flight, the Pope tried to catch up with one of his crossword puzzles. Midway through the flight, the Pope leans over to his aid and whispers: "what's a 4-letter word that means 'woman' that ends in unt?" His aide thinks for awhile and triumphantly says, "I have it. it's Aunt." "Oh dear", says the pope, "do you have an eraser?"

A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, the guy told him. Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go along with that. He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat off the camel every day for the first three days. On the fourth day, the camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And again. Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says "For Christ's sake, what do you want now?" The camel puckers up and makes little sucking noises.

This big ole' trucker is driving through Dallas one night and decides to stop at this bar that a buddy of his had told him about. He parks his rig and goes inside. He walks up to the bartender says in this dumb-hick voice,"Big Moe wantsa get fucked." The bartender looks at him and tells him it'll cost him 10 bucks. Big Moe drops a ten-dollar-bill on the bar. The bartender tells him to go across the street to the hotel and knock on room 14 he'll get want he wants there. So Big Moe goes over to the hotel and knocks on door number 14. This HUGE James Earl Jones type voice barrels from inside, "What the HELL to you want?" "Big Moe wantsa get fucked," our friend answers. "Well," the voice replies. "Slip 20 dollars under the door." So Big Moe slips the cash under the door. He's waitin for awhile and nothin happens. A few minutes later he decides to knock again. The big voice asks again, "What the Hell do you want?" "Big Moe wantsa get fucked," he answers. The man on the other side shouted through the door, "What Again!"

There are two fleas on a pussy. One is smoking dope, what's the other one doing? Sniffing crack!!

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