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A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied by his mother The young boy answered " The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary."

One day a farmer was bragging to his neighbor that his dog was so smart he could count. The other farmer didn't believe him, so the first farmer ordered his dog to go count the geese in the pond out back. The dog took off, came back, and barked 4 times. Both farmers went out back to check if the dog was right, and sure enough there were 4 geese in sight. Back at the farm house the neighbor said that the dog was lucky and wanted more proof, so the farmer sent the dog off again. This time the dog came back and barked 6 times, and when they went to check, sure enough there were 6 geese. But the neighbor was still unsatisfied, and demanded another demonstration, so the first farmer agreed to send the dog out one more time. On the dogs return he started humping his masters leg, then picked up a stick and started shaking it. "I knew that fool dog couldn't count," said the neighbor triumphantly. "Oh, yes he can," said the farmer, "you just can't understand him. He just said there are more fucking geese than you can shake a stick at."

While driving cross-country a man ran out of gas. Walked for a few miles in the rain and came to a house. After banging on the door for 10 minutes he decided to leave, but saw something in the window. There stood a nude couple, the woman squeezing her tits and the man beating his dick with an umbrella. After watching for a while, the guy wrote them off as loonies and went in the direction of the next house. The neighbors were friendly and helped out in what ever way they could, the guy couldn't resist describing what he saw in the first house. The woman laughed and said, "Oh, they carry on that conversation all the time." "What do you mean?" asked the puzzled traveler. "Well you see, they're a deaf couple. She was asking her husband to go milk the cow and he was saying, "Fuck you bitch, it's raining!"

Three prostitutes are sitting in a bar. The first prostitute says "My pussy's so big, I can get my entire hand in." The second says "That's nothing! I can get both hands in, and clap!" The third one just smiles as she slides down the bar stool.

There was this man and woman fucking on their bed and the man, thinking he was through, threw his used condom out the window. The woman exclaims, "What do you think you are doing? You're not through!" So the man puts his clothes on in a hurry and runs outside to retrieve the condom. But to his surprise a little boy has picked it up. He tells the boy, "I'll give you $5 for that." The boy says, "No." The man says, "How about $10?" The boy is still unsure so the man offers him $20. So The boy says, "OK. "Then the boy races home to his father and says, "Father, father I just found a twinkie on the ground and sold it to a man for $20. But I tricked him though; I ate all the cream filling first."

A truck driver pulled over to the side of the road and picked up two homosexuals who were hitchhiking. They climbed into the cab and the truck driver pulled the rig back onto the highway. A few minutes later, the first fag said. "Excuse me, but I have to fart." The truck driver held his breath, then heard a low "Hsssssss." A few miles down the road, the second fag announced, "Excuse me, but I have to fart." The announcement was followed by another low "Hsssssss." "Jesus Christ!" the truck driver exclaimed. "You fairies can't even fart like men. Listen to this." A moment later he emitted a deafening staccato machine gun burst from his ass. "OH!" one fag exclaimed, turning to the other. "You know what we have here, Bruce? A real virgin!"

One night a man was getting very drunk in a restaurant. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his dick out as he went in the door, But he'd wandered into the ladies' room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the toilet. "This is for ladies!" she screamed. "This is for ladies!" The drunk waved his dick at her. "So's this Lady!" he shouted back.

Woman: "Slow down, foreplay is an art. Man: "Well, if you don't get your canvas arranged soon, I'm going to spill my paint!

This luscious blonde is tanning topless at the big hotel swimming pool. A big macho dude, with muscles bulging decides he's going impress this girl. He puts everything down next to her and jumps into the pool. He swims 120 lengths and gets out. While drying himself off, he says to her: "Whew, that was great! I used to be an Olympic swimmer." She dives straight into the pool and swims 200 lengths in less than half the time. Not a gasp. "You're right, it was nice," she says, "I used to be a prostitute in Venice."

This guy only had $5.00, but he just had to have some sex, so he went to the whore house & asked what he could get for $5.00. The madam said she didn't have anything, but the guy insisted he had to get laid. She finally felt sorry for the poor bastard, so she took him up to an old lady who cleans up the place, and said he could have her for $5.00. They started getting it on, but it was really dry & rough. After a while, however, it got really moist & smooth. He finally exploded, and they started talking about it. He told her how rough it was to start, but how great it got, & that it was the best he'd ever had, once things started moving! She said, "Yea, I know what you mean, once all those scabs came off, it really felt GREAT for me too!"

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