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A little boy was out trick or treating one Halloween dressed as a pirate. A lady opened the door and looked at him and said, "you're a cute little pirate where's you're buccaneers?" He looked at her and said, "Under my bucking hat lady.

One night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit horny so he decided to come down to earth to satisfy his needs. He picked up a good looking woman with a great shape and they went to her apartment she only had one small problem, she had a speech impediment, but this didn't affect their sex. They went at it hot and heavy all night long then in the morning Thor had to leave so he decided he should at least tell her his name, so he said to her, "I'm Mighty Thor and I have to leave now." She looked at him and said, "You're thore, I'm tho thore I can hardly pith."

What do you call a truck full of vibrators at christmas time? Toys for twats!

A young married couple, had sex every day when the husband got home from work. This went on every day that they were married. Then there was a tragedy, and the husband was killed. The wife couldn’t stand the thought of never having sex with her husband again so she cut off his penis and mounted it on the wall. She then continued the daily routine of having sex every day at the time her husband would normally come home from work. One day a man moved into the apartment next to her. Every day at five PM he heard screaming and pounding on the wall, after a while curiosity got the better of him, so he made a small hole in the wall and watched her go at it with the dick mounted on the wall. He decided there was no reason to let the wall have all the fun, so he made a larger hole in the wall, removed her husband's dick and stuck his dick in the hole. At 5:00 She came into the room to continue her routine but when she looked at the dick She said oh dear it's all black and swollen. She then grabbed it and ripped it off the wall and threw it away.

A guy went to the whorehouse looking for A little fun. He asked the Madam of the house for a fuck and she said to him "How much money have you got?" "Well, I've only got 5 dollars" he said. "That won't get you a fuck, but I could give you what we call a penguin." "I'll take it." he says. She sat him down in a chair and pulled his trousers down around his ankles and starts to give him a blow job. She watched him carefully and when he seemed ready to come she jumped up and ran out the door. In shock he jumped up with his hard on and had to waddle towards the door with his pants around his ankles and called after her "Why do they call this a penguin?!!!"

An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anything for a while the Priest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy there's no paper in here either.

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation, she asked a Brave,who had only one feather in his headdress, "Why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses?" His reply was, "Me have only one sqaw, me have only one feather." She asked another Brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking. This Brave had four feathers in his headdress. He replied, "Ugh; me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws." Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of sqaws involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers, which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?" The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me Chief. Me fuck-em all. Big, small, fat, tall. Me fuck-em all." Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be hung!" The Chief replied, "You damned right, me hung. Big like buffalo, long like snake." Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so goddamned hostile!" The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any-style, me fuck-em all!" With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear." The Chief said, "No deer. Me no fuck deer. Asshole too high and fuckers run too fast. No fuck deer!"

Uncle Max was 89 years old and he wanted to marry a 24 year old girl. I told him, "You can't marry a 24 year old girl." He said, "Why not?" I said, "If you marry a 24 year old girl, you'll have to have sex with her and that could be fatal!" He thought about it a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well if she dies, she dies."

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?" "Well, we work for the county, " one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?" "You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back. Now, just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean that Mike and me can't work."

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor. "Sure; after the police leave," replied the lawyer.

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