
| Buckwheat attended the Million Man March and was motivated to convert to the Muslim faith. His new Muslim name is Kareem-A-Wheat. |
| Two bulls were sitting on a hill, overlooking a herd of heifers below. The young bull says, "Hey, what's say we run down there and screw a few of those heifers, eh?" The old, wise bull shakes his head and says, "Nah, why don't we walk down there and screw all of them? |
| A black man from New York decided one day he wanted to be a Texas Ranger. So he went through all the necessary motions
and became a Ranger. One day on his shift he was driving around and hit a raccoon. He thought he had hit some sort of exotic pet animal, and returned to the station upset. He described the animal to his fellows, who chuckled. "What kind of animal is it?" asked the black Ranger. "We'll give you a guess: It's something you've been called all your life." The black Ranger's eyes grew wide. "You mean, that is a mudderfucker?!" |
| Three scientists traveling along the Congo unwittingly stumbled across a tribe of savages. The savages, not being particularly
sociable, seized the researchers and presented them to their chief. The chief stated, "Trespassers, you have a choice: Death, or Oogabooga." The first researcher said, "Anything's better than death. I'll take that Oogabooga." At that moment a bunch of tribesmen grab the hapless scientist and screw him in the ass. Then they let him go. The second researcher thinks long and hard, deciding finally that Oogabooga is slightly more desirable than death. The tribesman poke him and let him go. The final researcher is disgusted. "You can keep your Oogabooga. I'll take death!" The chief of the tribe nods sagely. "Mmm-hmm. Death by Oogabooga!" |
| The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "In moments of temptation," said the speaker to the class, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: "How do you make it last an hour?" |
| The young lady entered the doctor's office carrying an infant. "Doctor," she explained, "the baby seems to be
ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week." The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl's breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on one nipple. "Young lady," he finally announced, "no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven't any milk!" "Of course not!" she shrieked. "It's not my child, it's my sister's!" |
| A hispanic hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and
raps gently on the door. When the owner answers, the hobo asks him,
"Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good
meal in several days." The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal." So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in." The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche. It's a BMW." |
| Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking
their beer. All of a sudden the driver noticed lights
flashing in his mirror; the cops are on his tail.
His buddy asked, "What are we going to do?" The
driver said, "Don't worry. Just do exactly what I
tell you and everything will work out perfectly.
First, peel the labels off our beer bottles and we'll
each stick one on our forehead. Then shove the
bottles underneath the seat, and let me do the talking." They pull over and the cop walked up to the car. He looked at them kind of funny, then asked to see the guy's driver's license. He asked him, "Have you been drinking?" "Oh, no sir," the driver replied. "I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you "sure" you haven't been drinking?" the cop asked. "Oh, no sir," the drunk answered, "We haven't had a thing to drink tonight." "Well, I've got to ask you," said the cop, "What on earth are those things on your forehead?" "That's easy, officer," replied the drunk confidently, "You see, we're both alcoholics, and we're on the Patch!" |
| A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor"
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this
earsplitting yell." "MY dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what problem is?" "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up." |
| Man: (to friend) I'm taking my wife on an African Safari. Friend: Wow! What would you do if a vicious Lion attacked you wife? Man: Nothing. Friend: Nothing? You would do nothing!? Man: Right. Let the stupid lion fend for himself! |
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